Last week, Boring Ralph finally got dumped, Georgiana finally reunited with her mom Agnes, Augusta finally got away from Horrible Edward, and Tom finally felt bad about his garbage behavior. But it came at the cost of Mary being dangerously sick, Arthur and Dastardly Duke being super heartbroken, and Merciless Mama being a scheming racist jerkwad. Reader, I honestly cannot fathom how all of this gets wrapped up in one episode, but I’m game if you are. Let’s get cracking.
First things first. At the Parker house, Charlotte wakes up face down in Mary’s bed, where she’s been holding her gravely ill friend’s hand all night. Heading out to the parlor, she runs into everyone else, who all also look like they got hit by the struggle bus. Gross Priest and Liberated Lady arrive to pray for Mary, which turns out to be a good thing, per Dr. Fuchs, because in his opinion, Mary really needs a miracle right about now.
While the Parker squad tries to deal with that, at the seaside, Fun Uncle Sam and Lady Susan go for a daybreak walk, and reader, I don’t think I’m jumping to too much of a conclusion here when I suggest that they didn’t get a lot of sleep last night for fun reasons, if you catch my drift.
Anyway, they jaw about how lovely the day is, and how much they like each other, and then kiss, and it’s all so nice I’m starting to wonder when the other shoe will drop. Meanwhile, back at the Parker house, Tom is once again giving a little speech about how he got too invested in money to pay attention to his wife. Sorry buddy, but *I* don’t forgive you. Mary doesn’t deserve to have to go through a horrible illness just so you can have a moment of growth!
Tom: Anyway, I totally did not read her proposal. And now maybe it’s too late!!
Charlotte: Well, I could take you to the old town so you can see what it’s like?
Tom: YES. Let’s do it. And I can also go visit that sick kid… I wanna say we've been calling her Mini Charlotte?
Charlotte: Sure.
Tom: Great. I can’t do anything here, and maybe this will be a step towards making up for my WRONGS.
Look, I get that they don’t know about germ theory yet, so they don’t know they’re about to just go bathe in contagion some more/bring Mary's germs on a tour of Sanditon, but the last thing Charlotte needs now is to get the dreaded fever! Anyway, they head on down to the Old Town, where we find out that Mini Charlotte is totally fine now, and that Former Maid/Charlotte’s object lesson in the perils of marrying a normal person isn’t about to let Tom’s fancy man status stop her from sending some well deserved shade his way.
Former Maid/Charlotte’s object lesson in the perils of marrying a normal person: I hope Mary gets better. SHE has always been very kind to us. I keep telling my kids I don’t know what I would do without her!
Tom: If there’s anything you need — like, literally, anything — I will get it for you.
Former Maid/Charlotte’s object lesson in the perils of marrying a normal person, really missing her opportunity to get a giant Flavor Flav clock necklace or something: Just take her this cross necklace and tell her we’re praying for her.
Live look at my reaction if this turns into a morality tale about how her selfless refusal to ask Tom to NOT evict her family saved the whole Old Town!
Anyway, speaking of prayer, at the church, Rolly Price and Lady D are busy getting an overview of their upcoming wedding ceremony from Gross Priest.
Gross Priest: I’m doing a whole sermon on the meaning of conjugal!
Lady D: Ew. No. Why are we doing this anyway? We’re so old, we don’t really need all the fuss.
Rolly Price: We could just elope, but I guess that didn’t work great for you, did it, Horrible Edward?
Horrible Edward: Yes, I’m somehow still here, and no, I don’t want to talk about it. Also, thanks for the reminder that once you marry my aunt I’ll be left destitute!
Gross Priest, for once right: You made your bed, kid, lie in it.
Over at Thornfield By The Sea, Mystery Dad’s jaunty walk to probably go hang out with Hannibal some more is interrupted when he finds literally everyone else in the house staring out the window at Augusta, who’s doing the classic Austen “wander around outside until I feel better about my heartbreak and/or I’m rescued by an eligible man” thing.
Mrs. W: She’s super depressed. It’s concerning.
Leo: Well, I’m never falling in love! Looks atrocious.
Mystery Dad: It is. 0/10 stars, do not recommend.
Leo and Mrs. W head off to worry about Augusta elsewhere, so Mystery Dad can ask Fun Uncle Sam for parenting advice (lol). What should he say to Augusta?
Fun Uncle Sam: How would I know? I was the heartbreaker, not the heartbreakee!
Mystery Dad, snarky: Ah, but now you don’t do ANY heartbreaking, hm?
Fun Uncle Sam: Now that you mention it… I’m tempted to get married?
Mystery Dad: Well she must be amazing if she got to YOU. I’m genuinely happy for you :) BTW I’m pretty sure people aren’t really supposed to be alone, and now I’m increasingly sure that Leo and Augusta need a mom.
Fun Uncle Sam: I thought you’d decided to move on from Charlotte?
Mystery Dad: Who said anything about Charlotte?
Fun Uncle Sam, and me:
Meanwhile, Merciless Mama is trying to get one or both of her children to gossip with her about everything that went down at dinner last night.
Snarky Sister, refusing to bite: Yes, mom, I’m sure Mary got sick just to annoy you.
Merciless Mama: That’s not what I meant, and you know it. Dastardly Duke, didn’t you think your future mother in law was weird?
Me:
Dastardly Duke: Snarky, be grateful Mystery Dad’s parents are dead so mom can’t talk crap about them.
Merciless Mama: Well whatever, let’s not dwell on the topic I broached, we’ve got the wedding of the season and whatever’s happening with Snarky to celebrate!
Dastardly Duke:
Snarky Sister: Yeah, I’m leaving. I’ve got a riding date.
Merciless Mama seems very sure that her daughter is off to see Mystery Dad, but I think I detected a gleam in Snarky’s eye that might suggest otherwise. I hope so; I do so love a well-earned moment of defiance from a grown adult!
Back at the Parkers, Tom delivers Former Maid/Charlotte’s object lesson in the perils of marrying a normal person’s cross necklace and a well deserved “you were right, Mary, I’ll do everything you wanted if you get better.” Because we only have like 40 minutes of runtime left, that does the trick, and Mary wakes up immediately. Georgiana and Charlotte reconvene outside Mary’s sickroom to discuss.
Georgiana: My mom will be so happy, I’ll go tell her.
Charlotte: It was really nice to see how much they love each other.
Georgiana: Yeah, Tom would be f*cked without Mary, that’s for sure.
Charlotte: Isn’t that what marriage should be?
Georgiana: Just because you decided you’d rather be a saddo spinster than marry Boring Ralph doesn’t mean I should dump Dastardly too! I’m making the right decision for the future!
Charlotte: What about love?
Georgiana: I’ll have my mom, that’s all the love I need.
Do I respect that? Yes! Do I agree? No! Especially because when Georgiana gets back home, she finds Agnes gone. Ugh, Merciless Mama, you are the WORST. Speaking of stuff that’s terrible, over in the center of town, Lady Susan gets a letter delivered from a very fancy man in a very fancy hat. She… doesn’t look thrilled about it. More on that later. Back at the Parkers, Mary has a cup of tea and hears Charlotte’s breakup update.
Charlotte: I feel so bad for Boring Ralph.
Me: Me too, and you didn’t make up a mean name for him for giggles!
Charlotte: I couldn’t lie. I couldn’t promise forever with him when I’m in love with someone else?
Mary: Ok, what a relief: I can finally tell you that I too have noticed how into Mystery Dad you are. Does he know that you’re single?
Charlotte: No…
Mary, a true friend and wing-woman: Then why are you here with ME? Go get your man!
You know it’s not that simple, so first we get to see another cute interaction between Liberated Lady and Dr. Fuchs get ruined by the presence of Gross Priest.
Liberated Lady: OMG HI! I hear you saved Mary 🙂
Dr. Fuchs: It’s so exciting, I’m so happy she’s going to recover!
Gross Priest: Let’s go, sis: not even this quack would take credit for a miracle, like I’m doing now!
Liberated Lady, you deserve better. Get out of there! While she and her brother head back to the church, Georgiana runs into the street to look for her mom. At the tea room, Fun Uncle Sam and Lady Susan are having a daytime date, and if I’m not mistaken, he’s gearing up for a proposal.
Fun Uncle Sam: I just think it’s neat that we met like this; two hotties in the prime of our lives who said we didn’t have any interest in love, and yet here we are! I’ve had such a great time with you, I’ve been thinking —
Lady Susan: I have to stop you right there. Do you think maybe we just caught up in an amazing moment?
Fun Uncle Sam: A what now? A mOmEnT?
Lady Susan: I must leave you… to go back to London.
Fun Uncle Sam: So… I could visit you there?
Lady Susan: We have to go back to our normal lives. I had fun.
Fun Uncle Sam, tearing up: Me too.
What on EARTH was in that letter? Lady Susan is very miscast as Cinderella’s Prince from Into the Woods (you’re welcome, Sondheim girlies) so hopefully this isn’t actually it for these two. Anyway, across town, Tom’s making good on his near-deathbed promise to undo the plans to raze the Old Town. Rolly Price is NOT amused.
Rolly Price: Sorry, what did you say?
Tom: I told you I’m backing out of this super horrible deal. Hashtag Team Old Town!
Rolly Price: You can’t back out! We got investors! Are you a businessman or what?
Tom: Yeah, but I’m also a husband and I should have listened to Mary.
Rolly Price: You’ll regret this!
Will he though? I doubt it! Over at Thornfield By The Sea, Charlotte tells Mrs. W that Mary is all better, and also, she wants to tell Mystery Dad some details about why she won’t be going back to her hometown.
Mrs. W: Great! But Mystery Dad isn’t here — he’s out riding.
Leo, bounding in: Charlotte!
Fun Uncle Sam: Oh hey! Did you come to talk to Augusta?
Charlotte: Oh, right, that WAS the major plot point last episode. How is she?
Leo:
Fun Uncle Sam, keeping it remarkably cool: I’m assuming you heard Lady Susan was skipping town?
Charlotte: What? No. Why?
Fun Uncle Sam: She just told me she had to go back, but she wouldn’t say why.
Mrs. W: Well, can I give a message to Mystery Dad?
Charlotte: Thanks, but I’d rather say this in person.
I’ll tell you what, Mystery Dad better not be proposing to Snarky Sister right now to give the kids a mom. I can’t handle any more relationship musical chairs! Over at Lady D’s house, Rolly Price is complaining about Tom. Loudly.
Rolly Price: We’ll just go on without him!
Lady D: Interesting, so you’re saying we should mess things up for Tom because he listened to his wife? That super doesn’t make me want to marry you.
Rolly Price: You know what, you’re right: who cares about the hotel when I’m about to get something I’ve waited 50 years to own: you!
Lady D: OWN? I’m not a property!
Rolly Price: LOL, true! And now that our business seems to be concluded we can leave Sanditon even sooner. Pack your bags, babe! Just think: by this time tomorrow you’ll be Mrs. Rolly Price.
Reader, Lady D seems about as excited about that as anyone should be; not a ton. Meanwhile, at Georgiana’s place, Mary and Charlotte try to talk their friend down.
Georgiana: Look, she disappeared, and we have no idea why! Why should I trust her; none of us actually know Agnes at all! She left the second she knew I was about to get married and my fortune wouldn’t be available to her. But who needs her anyway? I’m about to be a duchess! I won’t need ANYONE!
Charlotte and Mary:
Yeah, not great. Over at the beach, Charlotte asks Lady Susan what the heck is happening with her.
Lady Susan: Ugh, fine. A “friend” of mine decided he actually did want me around. And you can’t really say no to this friend, if you get what I’m saying. But before I go at least I’ll get to see you have your happy ever after!
Charlotte: I’m going to talk to Mystery Dad at Lady D’s wedding.
Me: Charlotte, I think we can all agree: that’s one hell of a choice.
Charlotte, ignoring me: I just hope he still feels the same!
Lady Susan: Of course he does! There’s no way he actually likes Snarky Sister, the poor thing.
Speaking of whom, she’s busy giving Georgiana a very nice shovel talk. She also suggests that her future sister in law should stay away from Merciless Mama, or be stage mommed to filth.
Georgiana: Yeah, I noticed she does that to you?
Snarky Sister: I have ways to get around her. Can I tell you a secret? I just got engaged!
Georgiana, who knows who Snarky has been spending all her time with: Uh oh.
Later that evening, she breaks the news to Charlotte as gently as possible: Snarky Sister is engaged. It’s a secret, but Charlotte’s got to know. I can’t wait for us to all laugh about this when we find out Snarky’s not engaged to Mystery Dad, because surely that isn’t what’s actually happening, right?
Charlotte takes this news shockingly well, apparently deciding to just go to the wedding and suffer. She and Mystery Dad do their super obvious yearning stare thing, but nobody notices because Arthur and Dastardly Duke are too busy doing the same thing, Mary’s too busy trying not to fall over, and Merciless Mama is, presumably, off somewhere crowing about her many successes.
Tom: Say, Mystery Dad, hoping we can talk about the plans for the Old Town.
Mystery Dad, an Ally: If you mean Mary’s plans, then yes!
Merciless Mama: This church is so little and cute. I mean, too small for a DUKE, but an older, decrepit bride of almost 30… it’d be perfect. Have something like this on your land, Mystery Dad?
Snarky Sister: If not, you could build one!
Mystery Dad: If there was a reason to, I suppose!
Charlotte, dissociating: Sorry, I need to leave immediately.
They all follow her into the church, while over at Lady D’s house, servants cover her furniture with sheets to symbolically kill her singledom or whatever. At the church, Charlotte tells Fun Uncle Sam to get his crap together and talk to Lady Susan.
Fun Uncle Sam: I’m a lawyer, and I know a losing case when I see one.
Charlotte, once again dabbling in light treason: Screw the king: she deserves better! Someone who will fight for her.
Fun Uncle Sam: OMG she’s leaving me for the KING?
He wanders into the pew to panic, while Augusta, who’s understandably having a TIME at this wedding of her ex boyfriend’s elderly aunt, gets Charlotte to sit next to her. For moral support. And also so that when Mystery Dad wanders in he has to sit on Charlotte’s other side. Well played, Augusta, well played. Arthur and Dastardly Duke exchange longing glances. Charlotte and Mystery Dad exchange pleasantries about Mary.
Mystery Dad: Mrs. W said you wanted to talk?
Charlotte: Oh, I just came to say goodbye.
Mystery Dad: Seems fake but ok.
Everyone’s fidgety, but they don’t have to fidget for long, because soon Horrible Edward stalks right up to the front and ruins Rolly Price’s day. It turns out that Lady D wasn’t ready to leave Sanditon after all! The wedding is off! Rolly Price and Gross Priest both accuse Horrible Edward of sabotaging the match, but for once I actually think he’s innocent here: Lady D saw the way the wind was blowing and got out while she could! Horrible Edward steps up to explain, which he uses as an opportunity to maybe, possibly, deliver a bit of an apology to Augusta in the process? I don’t know what to believe there, folks, and we’re running out of time to solve the mystery. Wedding canceled, everyone departs.
Liberated Lady, to her brother: Dude, I don't get it. Lady D is old enough to do whatever she wants. Why deny herself happiness?
Gross Priest, seeing Dr. Fuchs leave: Maybe she realized she wasn’t a good match for Rolly Price? He had some unworthy attitudes or something?
Liberated Lady, sick of speaking in code: And who would be worthy? Jesus himself? Are you really so scared to be alone that you can’t let me be happy?
YES GIRL TELL HIM. On the other side of the church, Fun Uncle Sam also drops some real talk: why didn't Lady Susan tell him what actually happened?
Fun Uncle Sam: You said this was a fling, but you don’t really think that!
Lady Susan: Stop making this harder than it needs to be!
Fun Uncle Sam: He doesn’t deserve you. If he thinks it’s ok to jerk you around like this, he isn’t good enough. I can’t offer you much, but I would NEVER do that. I’d be faithful, and love you, and keep you happy.
Lady Susan: My happiness doesn't matter.
Fun Uncle Sam: Like hell it doesn’t! It’s the most important thing.
Lady Susan: I’m sorry, I’m leaving.
Boooooooooooooo. Anyway, back at Lady D’s house, Rolly Price arrives to read his erstwhile fiance the riot act: he was so embarrassed! It sucked! What gives?
Lady D: Well it actually wasn’t revenge for the time you did the same thing to me, weirdly. I just realized I didn’t like seeing my whole life packed away. I like it here, and I like my independence. I couldn’t give it up.
Rolly Price: Then why did you say yes?
Lady D: Got caught up in the moment… you might recall there were LITERAL fireworks. It felt like we were trying to relive the past.
Rolly Price: I don’t think so, but I won’t try and change your mind.
Come on guys! You’re both rich and old enough to say screw the haters and just date or whatever! Figure it out! Over at the Parker house, Charlotte gets all teary-eyed reading a nice letter from her dad that basically says “it’s ok, champ, we still love you, even if we are upset that you don’t plan to marry Boring Ralph.”
Charlotte: At least my sister Hurricane Heywood will be happy; I think I’ll go stay with her in Ireland for a while.
Arthur: Uh, and then what?
Charlotte: Well, I’ve always wanted to open a school for girls, so I’ll try and find a teaching job.
Tom: You know you’re always welcome here with us, right?
Mary: Yeah, I was hoping you could help me Hometown the Old Town? I’ve always thought we’d make a great HGTV hosting duo! We can call ourselves the Proper Tea Sisters or something!
Charlotte: I’ll help before I go, but I need to get a fresh start somewhere else.
Across town, Georgiana is trying on an absolutely lovely wedding gown with her future in-laws.
Merciless Mama: Beautiful. But you need something more boring and frumpy, Snarky; let’s not forget you’re basically an old crone.
Snarky: How could I when you keep bringing it up constantly?
Merciless Mama: Well, Georgiana, I think you look like a duchess.
Agnes, arriving just in the nick of time: Hi, could I speak to my daughter? Alone?
Reader, no clue what she’s here to say but I hope she talks some sense into Georgiana asap!
Agnes: So, you just assumed I abandoned you? Seriously?
Georgiana: Well, people do that to me a lot so… yeah.
Agnes: I left a note!
Georgiana: The maid must have put it with all the weird letters from people claiming to be relatives. What is it?
Agnes: I put it all in the letter, but that’s money your future mother in law tried to bribe me with to leave.
Again, reminded of how absolutely despicable that is! Anyway, by the seaside, Gross Priest catches up with his sister, who’s understandably taken herself to the shore for a sulk.
Gross Priest: So. Maybe we invite Fuchs over for tea?
Liberated Lady: That sounds swell. Thank you.
Aww! Also sweet? Actually finding out Mary’s plan for the Old Town, which mostly focuses on fixing up everyone’s house so they’re safe and comfortable. They’ll even rebuild any homes that need it and give everyone some land to garden in, which seems like more work but also a good way to keep everyone rolling in vitamins, so overall a win.
Former Maid/Charlotte’s object lesson in the perils of marrying a normal person: That’s nice, but how am I supposed to afford it?
Tom: You aren’t!
Mary: We're paying. Oh, and there’s also a school.
Tom: Yeah, Mystery Dad was really set on making that happen for some unknown reason! It was a condition of the money.
Mary: He particularly cares about women's education.
What a nice moment! Ready for a not so nice one? At the tea house, Georgiana confronts Merciless Mama re: her bribery scheme, and the lady in question obviously immediately lies and says that’s not what happened. She was just trying to discreetly give Agnes some financial support.
Dastardly Duke: Ma, can it: did you really do this?
Georgiana: Yeah, and I can prove it. Here’s the cash, which you can have back: my mom doesn’t need it and you don’t have that much to begin with.
Dastardly Duke storms out after Georgiana, leaving poor Snarky Sister stuck being embarrassed by their mom alone.
Georgiana: Please tell me you’re not following me to defend your mom.
Dastardly Duke: Oh, definitely not! That was horrible, even by her standards. No, I was thinking our wedding was a big mistake… we would be very unhappy.
Georgiana: Very much so.
Dastardly Duke: And you deserve love.
Georgiana: And so do you!
FINALLY. Ahem. Ok, so back at the Parker house, Lady D is getting the skinny on Mary’s plan.
Lady D: And this scheme won’t make us ANY money? Ew.
Mary: Yeah, it’s actually going to COST us money.
Lady D: But I thought this was meant to be a fancy resort town, not a charity?
Tom, playing on Lady D’s competitive streak, which probably means Mary or Arthur put him up to it: Mystery Dad already ponied up half the investment we need.
Lady D: Why? To invest in Sanditon’s future? Why would I care about that when I won’t live to see it?
Charlotte: But what about your legacy? Don’t you want to be remembered fondly?
Lady D: I’m sorry, but why are you still here? Weren’t you going to go home after season 1? And then most recently to marry that farmer kid?
Charlotte: Yeah, but I changed my mind.
Lady D: I guess I can’t talk about that; glass houses, rocks, etc. You’re a weirdo, I like you. And I’m convinced, I’ll match whatever Mystery Dad put in. I’m not letting that grumpy loner make ME look like a grinch.
Speaking of giving away money, Georgiana’s next move is to try and give her fortune to her mom. She doesn’t like how stressful it is to be super wealthy, and thinks Agnes can spend it doing good.
Agnes: You can do that same thing, bud. And you know what, I know someone else who could be helpful to you. Someone who loves and respects you for yourself, not for your money. Obviously, I’m talking about Otis: I saw your face when we talked about him before, and you clearly felt very differently about him than you did about your literal fiance. Didn’t want to say anything in case I was wrong, but now that I’ve been proven correct… I talked to him. He told me the whole story, and I have zero doubts that you should reunite with him. I know I’m meddling, but that’s what moms do, and there’s nothing more important to me than your happiness.
They hug it out, and everyone cries some more. In a less fun family moment, at Lady D’s, Horrible Edward checks in with his aunt to tell her he sent all her wedding presents back, which actually does seem like a really crappy chore.
Horrible Edward, maybe sincere?: I’m sorry. I don’t know why you did it, but I do know you cared about him. No agenda, but I’ll stay here and keep you company as long as you want. Forever if needed.
Lady D: LOL, gross! No, I have a different plan for you.
Can’t wait to find out what that’s about! Later that night, Georgiana gathers the Parker squad to inform them that she and Agnes are going on a road trip to go get her man, and also that she knows she was behaving in a bonkers way and is sorry. It’s a sweet moment, until Charlotte reaffirms her commitment to not fact checking a rumor and instead heading to Ireland. Meanwhile, at Lady D’s house, Rolly Price has showed up.
Rolly Price: I realized I was being a grumpy goose. I went and told Tom I'm in on his OG hotel plan.
Lady D: WHy?
Rolly Price: Because I’ll need somewhere to stay when I come visit you, ya weirdo! I’ll come every three months, if that’s good with you.
Lady D: I guess I’m ok with that.
Love this for them, love this for us, love this for Sanditon. And speaking of late night romantic reunions, guess who’s back at Thornfield By The Sea? Lady Susan, who turned her car around half way to London and decided to come back to our resident infamous lawyer/snack.
Lady Susan: Realized I left something here I didn’t want to be without.
Fun Uncle Sam: Won't the king be pissed?
Lady Susan:
The next day, Lady D reveals her plan to Horrible Edward: yes, trying to date Augusta was a mistake, but he did the right thing in the end. He also told her to marry Rolly Price, even though it would mean Horrible Edward lost any hope of getting Lady D’s money. And he was kind of nice to her that one time. So given that, she’s got a career for him: as a vicar.
Horrible Edward: WHAT?
Lady D: Yeah dude, why else would we be spending so much time with Gross Priest? I don’t like that guy!
Horrible Edward: Are you sure you’re feeling alright?
I hate to say it, but I’m with Horrible Edward. Really? Him? A VICAR? Over by the sea, Fun Uncle Sam and Lady Susan go for a romantic walk that once again leads to them talking about their unsuccessful attempt to set up Charlotte and Mystery Dad.
Lady Susan: I’m still pissed we failed. And look, I like your brother, but I can’t believe he’s marrying Snarky Sister.
Fun Uncle Sam: Uh. What?
LOL. Anyway, across town, Arthur approaches Dastardly Duke on the boardwalk.
Dastardly Duke: Hey, I feel like I was a real jerk to you. You must dislike me now.
Arthur: You kidding? No way — I’m not a grudge-holding kind of guy.
Dastardly Duke: So are you saying we can be friends again?
Arthur: We never weren’t friends! Team Grouse, baby!
In London, Otis is in the middle of giving a fire speech about how abolition in the UK is just the first step to getting rid of slavery as an institution when Georgiana and Agnes walk in. He wraps it up to a rousing applause, and approaches.
Otis, miserable but being a gentleman about it: Hi. I hear you’re getting married?
Georgiana, not about to waste the 9 minutes of remaining run time stringing him along: Not anymore, at least not to that guy.
Otis: Wait, so…
Georgiana: You brought back my mom. And she brought me back to you.
Not that they need it, but I wholeheartedly give this my blessing!
Back in Sanditon, Lady Susan and Fun Uncle Sam bound into Thornfield By The Sea and start yelling for Mystery Dad… who Mrs. W and Augusta inform them is out for a ride.
Fun Uncle Sam dispatches Leo to run and get Mystery Dad. Charlotte, for her part, is getting smothered in hugs (the Parker kids), road snacks (Arthur), goodbyes (Mary) and admonishments to say hi to Hurricane Heywood (Tom/me) outside her waiting carriage. Tearfully, she gets inside to ride off to Ireland, never to be seen again! Reader, I’ll just put you out of your misery: our pal only makes it as far as the Romantic Confession Cliffs before she comes across Mystery Dad dramatically waiting in the middle of the road.
Charlotte: I usually only have one intense romantic encounter here per season — what gives?
Mystery Dad: You didn’t tell me you broke up with what’s his name!
Charlotte: Yeah, I didn’t think you’d care since you’re apparently marrying Snarky Sister?
Mystery Dad: LMAO, who told you that? I’m not; she’s been secretly dating someone off screen this whole time. I, however, only want to be with you, ON SCREEN. You bewitch me —
Me: Again, BINGO.
Mystery Dad: Hush. Charlotte, I’ve been into you this whole time, and I want to be with you forever. So… can we make out now?
Charlotte: Sure can!
They kiss! It’s great! And then we speed run our two besties’ weddings. Georgiana and Otis get married with Agnes as their only guest (intimate and beautiful, we love it), and Charlotte and Mystery Dad have a huge ceremony with the entire season 3 squad in attendance (we also love it, but I kind of wish Hurricane Heywood made a guest appearance to see her sister get hitched). Important to note that at Charlotte's wedding we also get some very sweet Arthur/Dastardly Duke and Lady Susan/Fun Uncle Sam content so everyone knows both couples are still adorable together. We then jump ahead a year to see Charlotte absolutely thriving as her best Ms. Frizzle self at the Sanditon school. Closing up for the day, she gets picked up by Mystery Dad, Augusta, Leo, Mini Charlotte (for some reason) and an unnamed MYSTERY BABY (awww!).
Team Tiny Hellion: Charlotte, do you really think a girl can be a lawyer, or a writer, or a doctor?
Charlotte, echoing Leo: A girl can be whatever she wants to be!
CUTE. VERY CUTE. And a pretty happy ending for everyone who deserved one, which is really saying something given how the first two seasons of this show ended! It’s honestly kind of hard to believe our tale of the next big seaside destination is at its end. We’ve laughed, we’ve cried; we’ve thought about throwing our laptops across the room in anger. It’s been fun, is what I’m saying. Looking for another great show to watch? I hope you’ll check out Tom Jones, starting next week at 9pm on MASTERPIECE! It’s going to be a lot of fun, and has a lot in common with Sanditon. Don’t miss it!
