After the stress of last week’s episode, it’s initially a relief that this one seems to be off to a more relaxing start. A young woman leaves a high rise apartment and takes the ferry to an orchestral performance where she’s the featured soloist (she’s a cellist). Since all bass clef instrumentalists are the coolest and most talented members of any ensemble, I’m already a fan of her work, though the man dressed in dark clothes following her might disagree with that assessment. Unfortunately, he’s not just there to enjoy the show: after the performance, that same guy grabs a champagne coupe, empties it of the good stuff, and refills it with a mystery substance that he then throws at Cellist’s face — acid, perhaps? Screaming, she falls to the floor, while we see the show intro.
Later, our pal Euro Cash buys an absolutely bonkers sugary coffee. Alas, it’s not for him: it’s for Lena, who informs our grumpy pal that she’s just gotten the day off! They could go see a movie! Or ride bikes away from town!
Euro Cash: Leave Amsterdam?
Lena: I know, terrifying, but people DO leave the city sometimes. We could grab a train and do a day trip? Or not, I’m sure you have plans, given your weirdly sullen face.
Euro Cash: OR, what if we went to Paris? Three hours there, hang out for a bit, head back first thing tomorrow?
Now obviously Lena is into this idea, because she’s a human person, but it’s not to be. Euro Cash gets a call on the crime phone: he’s got a case to solve. Unfortunately, Cellist died overnight, and Euro Cash wants Hassell and Woodsman Cop to get cracking: they need to find CCTV, witness, the whole usual rigamarole. While they do that, Clooves arrives outside the station only to pull up short: there’s a woman waiting for him whom he clearly wishes to avoid.
Mysterious Associate of Clooves: Why have you been ignoring me?
Clooves: You can’t come here!
Mysterious Associate of Clooves: Wouldn’t have to if you’d answer your phone.
They continue their argument in an alley, which unfortunately for our pal Clooves is right underneath the team’s office window, so Euro Cash definitely sees this going down. He’s busy inside, however, finding out that so far there’s no indication on Cellist’s phone of anyone who’d want to harm her.
Woodsman Cop: Big Cheese is planning to inform Cellist’s parents. They live down south — farmers, apparently.
Hassell: Cellist was some kind of child prodigy.
Euro Cash: Did we get phone footage?
Woodsman Cop: Yeah, but it’s not that helpful. Guy’s medium build and wearing a hoodie to cover his face. Probably a jealous ex.
Hassell: Do we think the intention was to kill her or just to maim her?
Great question, and one that I think we’ll have to wait a while to answer. We do, however, already have one interesting clue: the team has footage of Cellist meeting with a man called Arjan who Euro Cash explains is a journalist, hacker, and professional pain in the butt of organized crime. Obviously that puts Arjan in some amount of danger, so he keeps a low profile. What could he want with Cellist? Before we can speculate, Clooves runs in, apologizing profusely all the while. Euro Cash hands him a file and leaves him with Woodsman Cop, who I’m sure will give an… adequate summary, bless him.
Meanwhile, across town, Euro Cash takes the opportunity to initiate a heart to heart with his bestie Hassell. Does she ever not want to be alone?
Hassell: First of all, who says I am? Secondly, wtf?
Euro Cash, chopping his hand upward: I’m having feelings! About Lena…
Hassell: What is this hand gesture? Are you talking about taking things to the next level?
Euro Cash: Maybe? Bad idea, right?
Hassell: Absolutely not! I say go for it, just maybe don’t do whatever you just did with your hands, ok bud?
Good advice dispensed, they start pounding on Arjan’s door, which has a truly massive amount of security. Finally, their quarry invites them inside.
Euro Cash: Look, I know we’re tight, but answering the door in your undies?
Arjan: Dude, I was in the middle of writing an article.
Euro Cash: Do tell.
Arjan: Next time we need to meet somewhere else, I don’t want people to know you visit.
Euro Cash: What do you know about Cellist?
Arjan: Nothing at all.
Euro Cash: That’s weird, since you met her yesterday. She’s dead… acid attack. And you just lied to me, which is new.
Arjan: I have to keep confidences.
Euro Cash: No you don’t!
Arjan: Actually, yes, I do. Journalistic ethics, pal, look it up.
After some prodding from Euro Cash and Hassell about how weird it is that a Cellist might be involved in organized crime, and how worried Arjan looks, he still doesn’t open up very much, only telling the cops that they all need to be careful; there’s a reason to worry.
Hassell, as they leave: WTF? You let him off light there.
Euro Cash: He’s been tortured for information before; he didn’t talk then, so he definitely wasn’t about to start now. Anyway, he told us everything we need to know.
He must’ve done it in code, because I sure as heck don’t know what Euro Cash is on about! Back inside Arjan’s apartment, he pulls out his phone and starts furiously texting. Seconds later, we see the recipient: a cool young person in a leather jacket opens her phone to a message that basically says “They got Cellist. Be careful,” which is obviously a scary enough text that she immediately turns around and nervously walks back the way she came. Meanwhile, back at the concert hall, rehearsal (with the replacement cellist) is interrupted by Clooves and Woodsman Cop. They’re waylaid by the orchestra’s Artistic Director, and then joined by Guest Conductor, who for some reason knows Woodsman Cop, even though he doesn’t recognize her.
Artistic Director: I really wish you guys would go away.
Guest Conductor: Yeah, we only have a couple of days to get our replacement cellist up to speed.
Artistic Director: We have a huge concert on the canal coming up. We do it every year.
Woodsman Cop: Do you have an address for Cellist? We know she moved, but not where.
Guest Conductor: She was staying with me.
Woodsman Cop: Ah. And how well do you know each other?
Guest Conductor: Well. Very well.
Clooves: Would anyone want to harm her?
Guest Conductor: She was being stalked. Reported it repeatedly, and they always said they were “looking into it.”
Woodsman Cop, clearly embarrassed: We uh, didn’t know about that. That’s a different department.
Clooves: We’re listening now.
Guest Conductor: Bit late now. Bye.
Artistic Director: We took precautions to tighten security at the hall; she was very scared. Must not have been enough.
Oof, that’s just not good all around. Also bad? Across town, the cool leather jacket-clad gal who got the text from Arjan earlier nervously returns to her home only to find the door extremely busted in. For some reason, instead of leaving and getting help, she decides to look around inside! It’s immediately clear that someone has tossed her house.
Meanwhile, at the morgue, Drunkie Howser is cranking Cellist’s work instead of his usual jazz, and as a musician, he’s clearly extra upset about this case. He explains that she died from a lack of oxygen: too much of the acid got into her lungs and throat, causing enough damage that she wasn’t able to breathe properly. The attacker may not have known this could kill Cellist, but they would have known the acid would do permanent, life changing damage. While Hassell reflects on the risk involved with the attack, Woodsman Cop and Clooves appear and explain the whole “she was being stalked and our colleagues didn’t help” thing, and give some background on the upcoming concert. Turns out it’s a charity function, and this year they’re raising money for a group that supports victims of sexual assault, which Clooves suggests might be relevant.
Clooves: Also we know she was dating the Guest Conductor.
Hassell:
Remember how Guest Conductor knew who Woodsman Cop is? Well I didn’t recognize her because it’s been multiple years since last season and I gave her a recap name instead of her actual one, which is Femke, so I was just as confused as our himbo friend until Hassell’s reaction to her name reminded me and my fictional counterpart that we also know Guest Conductor as… Hassell’s ex, Femke! Woodsman Cop feels like a real goober, they clue in Clooves, and Drunkie Howser quietly drinks whiskey out of a beaker. Basically just a typical day at the office for this crew.
Back at the office, while Hassell gets post-breakup sad again, Woodsman Cop arrives to give backstory on Guest Conductor.
Woodsman Cop: She’s very talented and well respected, and…
Hassell: Spit it out.
Woodsman Cop: Artistic Director thinks she and Cellist started dating… a while ago.
Clooves: I have something — Cellist was totally on the rise, but it turns out that she was also friends with this guy we’ve all heard of because he grooms teenage girls and arranges for them to have sex with famous and wealthy men. Basically he’s the Dutch Jeffrey Epstein.
Euro Cash: Allegedly. He denies it all, we don’t have good evidence, and he’s got a lot of legal threats to silence people.
Hassell: He’s currently out of the country avoiding arrest for pretty much everything; feels like we can drop the allegedly for the purposes of the recap, huh?
Euro Cash: And that charity is for survivors of sexual assault?
Clooves: Yup, to encourage them to come forward. Founded by none other than cool Leather Jacket Lady.
Euro Cash, looking at Leather Jacket Lady’s file: Oh, and she’s been arrested for low level dealing and assaulting a cop. We should go talk to her.
Woodsman Cop, summing up: So our victim was about to do a concert to support victims of sexual assault but she may have been close with a famous procurer?
Hassell: And she was being stalked.
Clooves: Which we haven’t found in our system. Yet.
Euro Cash: Right, I’m calling Arjan. He won’t say anything on the phone but he’ll hang up if we’re getting close.
The call connects, but it might as well not: the second Euro Cash suggests that Cellist’s death is connected to Dutch Jeffrey Epstein, Arjan hangs up. Lead confirmed, Euro Cash tells Clooves to find out where this horrible creep is. Hassell plans to follow up at the club Dutch Jeffrey Epstein used to own, which is now a fancy restaurant owned by a former club employee. And Euro Cash sends Woodsman Cop to go talk to Guest Conductor, because no one else wants to. But first, Woodsman Cop and Clooves find Artistic Director sitting in the rehearsal space looking at WAY too many pictures of Cellist.
Woodsman Cop: Hey friendo, that’s creepy, especially since we know Cellist had a stalker.
Artistic Director: It’s not what it looks like; I had a soft spot for her!
I don’t buy it, but before they can press, a bad note wafts down from the stage. Backup Cellist isn’t nailing it, and asks for a break.
Clooves: So, Backup Cellist… what was her relationship with Cellist like?
Woodsman Cop: Seems like she had something to gain from Cellist’s death.
Artistic Director: Uh, I think you have that backwards: this is her nightmare. Also I know she didn’t throw the acid — I was with her after the concert. This is enough questioning for me, toodles!
Guest Conductor, approaching: So, recognize me now?
Woodsman Cop, chagrined: Yup!
Clooves: Do you know Dutch Jeffrey Epstein?
Guest Conductor: From the news. What’s he have to do with Cellist?
Clooves: She used to play concerts for him when she was younger.
Woodsman Cop: Did she ever mention that?
Guest Conductor: We didn’t talk about the past. Excuse me.
Clooves: Last question: Artistic Director liked Cellist a lot, right? Enough to stalk her?
Guest Conductor: You tell me.
And where’s Euro Cash in all this? Why, looking at footage from Clooves’ argument outside the station in his car, like a real creep! After a minute, he leaves the car and wanders into a bike parking lot to meet a very nervous looking Arjan, who starts to tell Euro Cash about The Battle of Schooneveld.
Euro Cash: That’s why we’re here? So you can give me a history lesson?
Arjan: Pretty much, yeah.
Euro Cash: Ok, so since I’m here, stop me if I go wrong. We think an underage Cellist was groomed and abused by Dutch Jeffrey Epstein. Was she going to go public about him?
Arjan: Or?
Euro Cash: Or the powerful people he procured her for?
Arjan: Yup.
Euro Cash: So she was silenced as a warning to others. Where do you fit in?
Arjan: Who says I do?
Euro Cash: Me. You’ve never been this nervous. Did you approach them, or did they find you?
Arjan: I like you, and I trust you, but it took me years to gain their trust. Part of the agreement was that I wouldn’t tell anyone anything until we published. We need to get this out and justice served, and fast. Oh, and happy birthday buddy; here’s a book.
With that, he hands over a paperback about Schooneveld, which I’m sure contains some kind of hidden message, and hurries off. Look, you knew I’d do it, so here's a TINY history of this battle: The Battle of Schooneveld was a sea conflict during the Franco Dutch war in 1673. The Dutch won despite being very overpowered, saving the country from an Anglo-French invasion.
Across town, Hassell enters the swanky restaurant that used to be Dutch Jeffrey Epstein’s creepy club, and heads upstairs to speak with the owner. This gal isn’t one to mince words, and right away she asks if Hassell is there about Cellist.
Hassell: Yup. DId you know her well?
Restaurateur: No, not really. But she did private performances, including some here back when it was a club. Her talent was amazing.
Hassell: Just performances then? What was she like? She must have been like 15, right?
Restaurateur: Shy and naive. She wasn’t a city kid.
Hassell: Did you know about all the illegal stuff going on?
Restaurateur: No. I had no idea, and I’m ashamed about it. In hindsight, I saw some things that should have raised a red flag, but you don’t always put it together at the time. Now of course I have to live with that regret.
Hassell: So why take over this building?
Restaurateur: When everything blew up for Dutch Jeffrey Epstein he had to offload this place fast and cheap. I’d just gotten divorced and had a windfall. I last spoke with Dutch Jeffrey Epstein when the deal went through; we aren’t friends. He doesn’t really DO friendship with women, especially not strong ones.
Hm. I don’t know why, but I’m not sure I trust this broad, and I’m pretty sure Hassell agrees with me. Anyway, across town, Euro Cash rocks up to Leather Jacket Lady’s flat, where the woman herself is in the process of fixing her busted door. Hearing a loud noise, she looks down onto the street and sees our gothy cop pal approaching. The enormous walkup gives her enough time to hide before he arrives, because unfortunately for everyone involved, she thinks he’s the guy who attacked Cellist. As Euro Cash walks into her open flat, she tries to run, then finally decides to make a stand and brandishes a bottle at him.
Leather Jacket Lady: It’s acid! Stay back!
Euro Cash: Woah, it’s ok, calm down. Did someone ransack your place?
Leather Jacket Lady: Why do you care?
Euro Cash: I’m a cop? I’m here to investigate the death of Cellist?
Leather Jacket Lady: Bullsh*t. Cops are all horrible.
Euro Cash: Understandable, but look, since you started that charity I thought you might want to talk. Maybe help me figure out what happened to Cellist?
Leather Jacket Lady: I talk when I want to, not when some cop tries to bait me into it.
Euro Cash: Look, I know that’s not acid; there’s a worm in the bottle. I’m not actually scared of tequila.
Leather Jacket Lady, breaking the bottle on the wall: How about now, wiseass? Get out.
Hard to argue, so he doesn’t. Well, that didn’t go great, did it? Back at the office, he gets an update from Clooves, who explains that Dutch Jeffrey Epstein was basically accused of pretty much everything awful you can think of. The guy is now hunkered down on the yacht of a Russian oligarch somewhere in international waters. In terms of allies, Dutch Jeffrey Epstein had a fixer named Ivo who was last seen in Indonesia, and a guy named Quinten who would pick up girls for Dutch Jeffrey Epstein, who still lives in Amsterdam. The guys will go interview Quinten next. Also of note? Cellist never actually did make a stalking complaint. Did she lie to Guest Conductor? Why? Info exchanged, Euro Cash pops into Big Cheese’s office, where she’s busy meeting with Muckety-Muck about the case.
Big Cheese: Cellist’s parents really got defensive when I asked about their connection to Dutch Jeffrey Epstein; they called him a loyal family friend.
Euro Cash: Yeah, makes sense; they’d have to acknowledge that they gave their kid to a pedophile.
Muckety-Muck: Denial is the real deal. How can we help?
Euro Cash: He’s meant to be on this super yacht; we want to know if that’s true.
Muckety-Muck: I can talk to Interpol. Want me to have them board the yacht and scare him?
Euro Cash: Yeah. Just need to know if he’s there.
Muckety-Muck: Ok. We need to be careful. If Dutch Jeffrey Epstein has friends in high places they’ll want to take the case away and give it to a different branch for “national security” reasons.
Big Cheese: And then we’d never get him.
Euro Cash: Oh, we’ll get him.
Muckety-Muck: I have three daughters. Anything you do to him is a-ok in my book.
Look, maybe I’m paranoid, but I don’t trust anyone but our squad right now, including Muckety-Muck. While Euro Cash has that intense convo with his bosses, Hassell and Woodsman Cop straight up walk into a house where they find a woman passed out on drugs, and Dutch Jeffrey Epstein’s associate Quinten attempting to sneak out the bathroom window. Woodsman Cop pulls Quinten back inside, and they start questioning him immediately. Is the cigarette on the sink the same kind that’s popular in Indonesia, where Ivo was? And has Quinten heard from Dutch Jeffrey Epstein?
Quinten: I’m not talking.
Hassell: You go check on that girl, she seems pretty out of it. Quinten, I need to know what’s going on. Why did Ivo visit you? Seems like he scared you.
Woodsman Cop, running back in: Sorry to interrupt, but that girl is having a fit.
Quinten: WHAT? Let me help! Call the paramedics!
Hassell: First answer my question!
Woodsman Cop: Seriously, she’s looking bad!
Quinten: UGH FINE: Ivo came here looking for muscle. I said no.
Questions answered, he runs past Hassell into the other room and, seeing his friend not moving, assumes she’s dead. Now obviously that’s not true; Woodsman Cop was just escalating the situation to get info out of Quinten, but still: not cool guys.
Hassell: Was she one of Dutch Jeffrey Epstein’s girls?
Quinten: Yeah, that’s why she’s like this. I got her out. I hate what they did to her.
Hassell: Help us then!
Quinten: They’d kill me.
Blerg, just a bad situation all around. Maybe he’ll come around? In the meantime, Hassell has figured out that Ivo hangs out at a waterfront bar, so naturally Euro Cash heads right on down there to surveille the fixer. After flirting with some girls Ivo walks into a parking garage, pursued by our friend, who arrives to find an abandoned looking car. Naturally, Euro Cash has started walking towards it, not looking around, when Ivo drives into him out of nowhere. Euro Cash tries to pull his gun, but Ivo pretty much destroys him, choking our pal out while telling him to back off. Hassell finds him a few minutes later whilst Euro Cash spits blood out of his mouth, and helpfully explains that they’ve tracked Ivo’s address and it’s just around the corner. If our goth friend had just waited a few minutes he’d have avoided an ass whooping!
Euro Cash: The important thing is that he knew we were onto him. Someone gave him the heads up.
Hassell: There’s his apartment.
Euro Cash: I’m not breaking the door in; pick the lock.
Look, I don’t know what the law is in Amsterdam, but that feels questionable! Once inside, they conclude that the apartment is probably used as a location to groom girls for Dutch Jeffrey Epstein, and plan to have forensics search the place in addition to surveilling. Poking around the first floor, Euro Cash finds a picture of Cellist with Dutch Jeffrey Epstein, and a printout of Guest Conductor on the table, which he pockets. When Hassell returns from searching upstairs, he hands her another printout, this one with a picture of Leather Jacket Lady.
Euro Cash: She REALLY didn’t like me, and I think she might be the next target. See if you do better.
Hassell heads across town to try and do just that, knocking on the door and saying she wants to help before sliding a card under the door. Meanwhile, Euro Cash drives out into the countryside to Guest Conductor’s house.
Guest Conductor, seeing him outside: Ugh, you. Drink?
Euro Cash: No thanks. Nice house!
Guest Conductor: Yeah, thanks; family property. Cellist and I wanted to get off the grid, which makes me wonder how you found me.
Euro Cash: Artistic Director.
Guest Conductor: Hm. Anyway, the whole idea was to hide out, not that it worked. Did you find out who killed Cellist yet?
Euro Cash: Working on it. Do you know Ivo? He’s linked to Dutch Jeffrey Epstein.
Guest Conductor: She just did some concerts for him; she did them for a lot of people. She would have told me if something else had happened; we didn’t do secrets.
Euro Cash: You cheated on my friend with Cellist, which was a secret. Look, just be careful, ok?
Speaking of Hassell, she’s at the bariefing room where Cliff Bar is trying to do the classic bartender move of letting her vent. Hassell, however, isn’t having it, and TBH if I found out my ex cheated on me because the person she cheated with was murdered, I wouldn’t really be in a sharing mood either. Anyway, Woodsman Cop shows up to interrupt her reverie with the news that Artistic Director seems to be on the up and up: there’s loads of emails on his computer that prove he was trying to improve security. They also have no news about Dutch Jeffrey Epstein or Ivo.
Clooves: And as far as we know, Dutch Jeffrey Epstein is still running his criminal network.
Cliff Bar: Makes sense; I’ve heard he’s got an international network. Why stop? He probably doesn’t think he CAN get caught.
Scruffy Regular Frank, from the back: That’s why I left the priesthood: I spoke up and they shut me down.
Hassell, speaking for all of us: Get that guy a beer.
Clooves, getting a text: Um, I have to leave. Is that ok?
Hassell: Yeah. Guess it’s just you and me, Woodsman Cop.
Scruffy Regular Frank: And me!
Honestly, we’ve seen worse dream teams! This one would have included Euro Cash as well, but instead of going inside, he’s off following Clooves like a weirdo. So back at the bariefing room, it’s Woodsman Cop who confirms the suspicion that Restaurateur was lying about being in touch with Dutch Jeffrey Epstein. According to her email data, she’s had a LOT of contact with him over the last few years. Hassell fires off a text to Euro Cash to let him know she’s headed to the restaurant, and also to ask where the heck he is. Obviously, he doesn’t answer, in favor of creepily watching as Clooves goes inside an apartment block. Inside, Mysterious Associate of Clooves is snorting cocaine when Clooves walks in and drops a big wad of cash on the table.
Mysterious Associate of Clooves: I don’t want your money.
Clooves: You do though. Is your casino job not paying? Are you in debt again?
Mysterious Associate of Clooves: What are you, my mom?
Clooves: Pretty much, yeah! Look, has anyone at work ever asked you to do anything outside of your job description? Like… sexual stuff?
Mysterious Associate of Clooves, annoyed but taking the money anyway: No, weirdo? I just stand behind the table and deal, that’s it. I don't need you looking out for me.
Clooves: I love you. We’ll get through this.
Mysterious Associate of Clooves: You always say that. Either leave or stay and watch me do another line; it is your apartment.
Oh NO I hate this! I’m honestly not sure what scenario here is worse, but regardless, poor CLooves. He leaves, but you know who doesn’t? Euro Cash, who knocks on the door and feeds Mysterious Associate of Clooves a line about having met Clooves at the gym.
Mysterious Associate of Clooves: You? At the gym? Ok.
Euro Cash: I know, I know, but I have to try. He’s helping me. Anyway, he’s not here… messy breakup?
Mysterious Associate of Clooves: Ew, no! He’s my brother! Jerk! Who should I say called?
Euro Cash, leaving in a hurry: Jerk is fine! Bye!
How will Euro Cash use this information? I sure don’t know! Across town, Hassell’s lurking at Restaurateur’s bar when she spots Arjan across the room trying to talk to Restaurateur. When he leaves, he definitely spots Hassell as well, but pretends he doesn’t recognize her.
Crossing the room, Hassell tells Restaurateur that they need to talk, and after a short wait, they sit at the bar for a chat.
Hassell: Why’d you lie? You told me you had no contact with Dutch Jeffrey Epstein but you’ve had a LOT.
Restaurateur: Just business stuff. See, I thought I’d gotten this place for a bargain, but he tricked me, mostly with tenancy agreements. I can’t sue him, so I’ve had to be in contact.
Hassell: So why didn’t you just say that?
Restaurateur: I was embarrassed! Also, given what he’s been accused of I don’t want anyone knowing I have dealings with him. Looks like your date’s arrived.
Hassell, spotting Euro Cash: Lol, not my type. But we will have a couple of beers, thank you.
Euro Cash: All well?
Hassell, quietly: Sort of. Arjan just left.
Speaking of whom, across town, the man himself is unlocking the first deadbolt on his door when someone holds him at gunpoint. Back at the bar, Euro Cash gets a text saying Arjan wants to meet, and the duo head right to his house. Inside, Arjan is being pretty comprehensively beaten, and they arrive just in time to see him thrown out his window, still tied to a chair. Drawing their guns and heading inside, Euro Cash concludes that the attacker was Ivo, who’s probably left out the back after realizing that Arjan didn’t have his evidence hidden at his house and would never talk.
Euro Cash: WHY was he at the club?
Hassell: I don't know, but he was arguing with Restaurateur, who, btw, lied to us about being in contact with Dutch Jeffrey Epstein.
Euro Cash calls in Drunkie Howser. Before he starts examining Arjan, he tells Euro Cash that Dutch Jeffrey Epstein’s prints were all over Ivo’s house, and not just old ones: they were also on yesterday’s newspaper: Dutch Jeffrey Epstein is in town. While Drunkie Howser gets to work, Euro Cash and the gang roll up to search Restaurateur’s club.
Restaurateur: You guys ran off, everything ok?
Hassell: No time for small talk, we need you to come with us to the station.
Back in interrogation, Hassell presses Restaurateur on the argument she had with Arjan earlier that evening.
Restaurateur: He came to warn me that I was in danger. I did see things years ago. Arjan taped me telling my story.
Hassell: Why didn't you tell me?
Restaurateur: Arjan swore us all to secrecy!
Euro Cash: Us?
Restaurateur: I was one of several he convinced to share our stories. Cellist was also one. And Leather Jacket Lady.
Euro Cash: We’ll send someone to her apartment. What was Arjan’s plan?
Restaurateur: To get enough info to bring down Dutch Jeffrey Epstein and everyone else he serviced. No one could take them on alone, but together, with Arjan’s help, maybe? I don’t know what the evidence was but a couple of days ago Arjan finally hacked into Dutch Jeffrey Epstein’s computer. That’s why I stayed in touch with him; so Arjan had a way in.
Hassell: And Dutch Jeffrey Epstein knows he’s been hacked?
Restaurateur: Yeah, I think so. Anyway, I thought it was dangerous for Arjan and I to be seen together, and obviously I was right.
Hassell: We can protect you. We have a safe house.
She agrees, thankfully, and Euro Cash assigns Clooves to take her. Unfortunately, I’m not sure they’ll be able to offer the same to Leather Jacket Lady: over at her apartment, someone knocks on the door, and then starts trying to break it down with an ax. Back at the station, Drunkie Howser gives the grim update that Arjan was still alive when he went out the window, and had been extensively tortured first. As he walks away, Hassell gets a call that sends her and Euro Cash into the night to meet Leather Jacket Lady, who’s somehow escaped her flat and is now hiding under a bridge.
Leather Jacket Lady, terrified: They got to Arjan, didn’t they? That means I’m next. I gave him all my evidence and destroyed anything I kept at his suggestion. I think Cellist might have kept a notebook?
Hassell: We need that evidence. Do you have any idea where he might’ve hidden it?
Leather Jacket Lady: No, and that was the point.
Euro Cash: Do you know Restaurateur?
Leather Jacket Lady: No, she worked at the club after me. They got me young. There were others.
Euro Cash: How did you get out?
Leather Jacket Lady: I engaged in self harm. Some guys like that, but Dutch Jeffrey Epstein isn’t one of them; it chips away at the air of respectability he’s trying to cultivate. And it’s a turn off for him.
Euro Cash: What did Arjan hack into?
Leather Jacket Lady: Videotapes of rich and powerful men with underage girls. He filmed everything; that was his insurance. Make a list of everyone you think is involved and then just keep going.
Hassell: I was serious earlier; we will protect you.
Leather Jacket Lady: Are you kidding me? The streets are way safer; we’re all targets now. They won’t stop.
Euro Cash: Neither will we.
Funny she should mention how unsafe this whole thing is, because across town, Clooves and Woodsman Cop get caught in a classic trap; a slow car pulls in front of them, stops them at a bottleneck, and then men with guns come from behind and take Restaurateur at gunpoint. No one gets hurt, yet, but obviously the guys are furious. So is Euro Cash: this can’t have just been someone following them from the station; it goes deeper. Someone tipped Dutch Jeffrey Epstein’s guys off to the safehouse location, and told Ivo they were onto him.
Hassell: Is it someone at the station?
Euro Cash: Maybe Cellist actually did report the stalking but it just never got onto the system because someone didn’t want it to.
Yikes, MORE police corruption? Hate that. The next day, despite the stress of having a witness kidnapped, Euro Cash decides to attempt the “taking the relationship to the next level” conversation with Lena. It starts out pretty rocky, mostly because he ignores Hassell’s good advice and reverts to his weird chopping hand motion thing. Naturally, she initially thinks he’s trying to cut the relationship off, but thankfully Lena is a good talker, so she quickly sorts out the misunderstanding.
Lena: Ah, next level. What does that mean?
Euro Cash: Uh, whatever people do? Commitment? Exclusivity? Get a dog?
Lena: Trips to Paris? Look, I don’t want either of us to get hurt; let’s keep it light.
Euro Cash: Oh, totally. I love light!
Lena: Look, here's the thing: if I fall for you it’s going to be VERY intense, and there’s a lot we still don’t know about each other. And we’re pretty different.
Euro Cash: Yeah, opposites. But opposites can attract?
Lena: I’m getting married. I should probably go.
WHAT THE HELL? If you’re getting married, why are you clowning around on our friend’s boat? And speaking of cheaters, across town, Hassell’s checking out the memorial for Cellist when Guest Conductor arrives at work, looking very cool in a burnt orange suit. Seems like they’re finally going to have to talk.
Hassell: I’m sorry about Cellist. She was obviously very special. I’m here to tell you to be very very careful. I’m sure Euro Cash said the same thing, but I figured you’d ignore him.
Guest Conductor: And I’d listen to you?
Hassell: There’s a first time for everything. Look, apparently Cellist kept a notebook; does that mean anything to you?
Guest Conductor: I don’t think so. I knew she had bad experiences with men, but she didn’t want to talk about it. She had nightmares and flashbacks, and would sometimes lash out during… intimacy. Look, she was vulnerable and she needed me. I’m sorry for any hurt I caused. But you’re a strong person.
Hassell: It’d be nice to be weak once in a while. Here. Take this pepper spray, just in case.
Back at the station, Clooves and Woodsman Cop angrily review the evidence from last night, and unfortunately there isn’t much. The cars were all unregistered, and the kidnappers have disabled Restaurateur’s phone: they know what they’re doing.
Woodsman Cop: I just don’t get why Dutch Jeffrey Epstein would come back. He’s wanted here.
Clooves: Panic? Maybe what Arjan had was just too big. Or something else. Euro Cash, am I interrupting your reading time?
Euro Cash: Arjan gave me this. It’s about a battle in the Franco-Dutch war. He specifically mentioned the first battle, not the second.
Woodsman Cop: So it’s like a clue?
Euro Cash: Pretty sure it is, yeah.
Clooves: So he’s found something in here that he’s confident only you can decode. That’s brilliant! No pressure.
Euro Cash: Oh, I’m not worried, because I have a secret weapon… you.
Game recognize game, I guess. Lucky for us, Clooves is up to the challenge, and asks Euro Cash what exactly Arjan said about the battles before heading to the office couch to start reading. Work pushed off on someone else, Euro Cash is about to start brooding when Hassell informs him that he’s been summoned to speak with Big Cheese. Muckety-Muck is there too, and shares the unfortunate news that they’ve been asked to close the case and hand it over to the secret service as anticipated.
Euro Cash: Don’t ask me to stop. Arjan was a friend of mine. I don’t have a lot of friends. Also, I don’t mind being beaten up but I really do mind someone pointing guns at the heads of my team.
Muckety-Muck: Look I said they asked me, not that I said yes. Keep going.
Across town, Artistic Director corners Guest Conductor to ask how Backup Cellist is doing. He also tells her that ticket sales are skyrocketing after Cellist’s death, which I’m sure is a painful double-edged sword for both of them. Artistic Director, noticing that Guest Conductor doesn’t look great, offers to get her a car, but she demurs. Sure hope she’s got that pepper spray handy, although folks, real talk: pepper spray isn’t necessarily a great self defense option for novices. It’s an aerosolized gas: even if you have perfect aim you’re going to get some on yourself, and if you think running away from an attacker is hard, try doing it with spicy eyes and lungs. But I digress. Back at the office, Muckety-Muck asks Euro Cash if they’ve got any leads on Arjan’s evidence.
Euro Cash: Nope!
Muckety-Muck, leaving: Well, just keep Big Cheese in the loop.
Big Cheese: You’re slipping; that denial was way too fast. What’ve you got?
Euro Cash: How do I know I can trust you? We got a weird clue from Arjan. We’re working on it. But I’m worried about prying eyes.
Big Cheese: So go somewhere else; that’s what you normally do, isn’t it?
Good advice. Hey, remember how Artistic Director was all worried about Guest Conductor? Seems like he should’ve also been worried about himself, because he’s the first one to get snatched up in a chokehold on his way home. Our squad finds out soon thereafter that he’s in hospital. Why? What could he know? Well, where Guest Conductor lives, for starters. Meanwhile, out in the countryside, the woman in question rifles through a dresser until she finds a box of Cellist’s keepsakes. Bingo: there’s a diary inside. It’s pretty dark stuff, and she’s looking through it when she hears a window break downstairs. Stuffing the diary down the back of her pants and pulling out her mace, Guest Conductor creeps downstairs where Ivo tries to sneak up behind her with a gun. With the excellent reflexes and peripheral vision she’d need for her work, Guest Conductor spins around and hits him dead in the face with the pepper spray, dodges a wild shot from his gun, and runs out the back door. He pursues, pretty hampered by the pepper spray, but not hampered enough that he can’t trace her to a nearby windmill where she’s tried to hide.
While Ivo searches the windmill, Euro Cash and Hassell arrive at the house and quickly look around. Thankfully, Hassell knows about the windmill from when she dated Guest Conductor, and leads Euro Cash there. They arrive just in the nick of time, stopping Ivo before he can rough Guest Conductor up too badly (or worse). Euro Cash heads right over to free Guest Conductor, but Hassell, who’s still VERY mad, antagonizes Ivo and tries to get him to pull his weapon, presumably so she’s allowed to shoot him. He doesn’t fall for it until she starts to lower her gun, but fall for it he does, and Hassell takes the opportunity to hit him right in the kneecap. Yes, Ivo is a very bad guy and also murderer, but it’s still not cool to haul off and shoot people in your custody, guys!
In the car back to the city, Ivo, in a lot of pain, asks to go to a hospital.
Hassell: Tell us where Dutch Jeffrey Epstein is, and I will. Where’s he hiding? Want me to do the other knee?
Euro Cash: Good gravy, chill. Guest Conductor, was she always like this?
Lol, as if you, her bestie, don’t already know that Hassell is a menace! Anyway, Guest Conductor hands over the journal in front of Ivo so he gets to know that she successfully lied to him, they drop Ivo at the hospital, and then Euro Cash calls up Big Cheese to give her what I’m guessing was a very sanitized version of events. Before he can finish, however, Muckety-Muck barges into her office to complain about the secret service, and Big Cheese hangs up. Seems she doesn’t trust Muckety-Muck either. Euro Cash heads home, only to find Woodsman Cop and Clooves just hanging out at his place. Well, Woodsman Cop is; Clooves gets seasick, so he’s on the dock. They explain to their grumpy boss that they may have a lead on Dutch Jeffrey Epstein: he was never married, but he was in a long standing relationship with a woman named Maya, which happens to also be the name of Restaurateur’s club.
Drunkie Howser, appearing from below deck: Dude, your knives are all dull.
Euro Cash: Please tell me you’re NOT doing an autopsy in my home!
Drunkie Howser: No, I’m making soup. Figured you could all use a good meal and I’m off for the day. See, while you were off in the woods I did some science, which allows me to tie Ivo to the acid attack and to the attack on Arjan.
Across town, Hassell meets up with Quinten to let him know that Ivo is in the hospital and heavily guarded. Still obviously very nervous, Quinten reluctantly turns over a sheet of paper. Having gotten what she needed, she also heads over to Euro Cash’s boat, where he greets her by asking if she’s going to shoot anyone else.
Hassell: Maybe!
Euro Cash: Wrong answer, but whatever. What’s in the notebook?
Hassell: A LOT of attempting to process trauma. Also, Quinten’s partner told me there’s another property that Dutch Jeffrey Epstein uses.
Euro Cash: Let’s go.
Drunkie Howser: What about my soup!?
Euro Cash: Keep it warm.
Arriving at the house, Euro Cash and Hassell tell the guys to stay in the car; the besties will head around back and then give a signal. Euro Cash and Hassell head down a block, knock on a neighbor’s door, and get access to his garden. Walking across, they scale the wall, and arrive right at the back of Dutch Jeffrey Epstein’s house! Drawing their guns, they open the terrace door, and head inside, where Hassell opens the front door for the other two, and then the four of them search the house as a team, surrounding Dutch Jeffrey Epstein and Restaurateur, who’s here, and in perfect health. Why? She’s not one of the girls Dutch Jeffrey Epstein hurt: she’s his daughter.
Back in interrogation, Hassell suggests that Arjan didn’t come to the club to warn Restaurateur; he was there to threaten her.
Restaurateur: I was on his side!
Hassell: SO many lies! This whole thing is about protecting your dad!
Restaurateur: My father is innocent of all the crimes he’s been accused of.
Woodsman Cop: LOL. Seriously?
Restaurateur: He’s been framed!
Hassell: Forget your dad for a second: as one woman to another, speak out for those who can’t.
Interesting tactic, but somehow I suspect it’s not going to work. In the other interrogation room, Dutch Jeffrey Epstein sticks to the same story: something untoward may have happened at his clubs, but he didn’t know about it!
Big Cheese: So why leave the country?
Dutch Jeffrey Epstein: Powerful people who were involved needed a scapegoat. I’m innocent.
Euro Cash: So you’re just a cog in a bigger wheel. We hear you have footage of people much more powerful than you having sex with underage girls. Is that so?
Big Cheese: Do you think that’s going to protect you?
Dutch Jeffrey Epstein: I don’t know what you’re talking about!
Back with Restaurateur, Hassell keeps pushing: was Restaurateur abused as well?
Hassell: I didn’t think you were the kind to just stand by and watch… unless you were also a victim. Too scared to go against your dad. That’s got to hurt, being groomed by your own father. Did he say it was ok? Did your mother know?
Restaurateur: Leave my mother out of this.
Hassell: Well maybe she found out. Or was she in denial? Couldn’t admit that her daughter was being abused as well?
Woodsman Cop: Or maybe she was a pedophile too.
Restaurateur: She wasn’t like them!
Hassell: Look, I don’t believe in the afterlife, but I’ve heard that people who do think that when someone dies they know the truth. That would mean that your mother now knows everything. Do you want to help us, or will you just be daddy’s girl forever?
Restaurateur: My father is innocent.
In the other room, Dutch Jeffrey Epstein asks his interrogators if they really believe that so many powerful and successful people would be capable of such despicable things.
Euro Cash: Yep. And we’ll prove it.
Dutch Jeffrey Epstein: Then I guess I’ll wait to see your evidence.
Euro Cash: We have Cellist’s notebook.
Dutch Jeffrey Epstein: But that’s just paranoia and mental illness.
Euro Cash: You know what I don’t get? Why you came back. It’s reckless. So talk to us. What about Arjan, for instance? He’s a hard man to get rid of. You know what he’s got, and that makes you nervous. Those powerful people are getting worried, and you know they can still get to you as well.
Big Cheese: Kill you, even.
Euro Cash: Unless you come back and sort out the mess. Your daughter’s implicated, right? That’s why you came back? How do you know they won’t kill you anyway?
Dutch Jeffrey Epstein: Well if any of this were true, then maybe I have measures to protect myself so that if anything happens to me or my daughter, like death, or even a short jail stint, the truth would come out.
Big Cheese: So you’ve got them then.
Dutch Jeffrey Epstein: Them and you. This will never go to court, let alone jail. You’ll just lose your jobs.
Euro Cash: What if Arjan gave me a clue to lead to his evidence?
Dutch Jeffrey Epstein: If he did that you’d have it by now. No, whatever Arjan hacked into and stole is lost to the world. Too bad: missed opportunity to really nail whoever is behind these awful crimes.
Blech. I really need our team to take this guy down! Later, on Euro Cash’s boat, Clooves muses about Arjan’s clue. He’s pretty sure that Arjan just mentioned the battle logistics to get them to remember it was important, and that the year is key (1673). Could it be a PIN? A post code? Did Arjan say anything else?
Euro Cash: He wished me a happy birthday.
Clooves: Oh, sorry we missed it!
Euro Cash: No, it wasn’t my birthday.
Woodsman Cop: So, when IS your birthday? Could be relevant.
Hassell, obviously knows the answer: It’s April 9. He’s an ARIES.
Clooves: Did he know your birthday?
Euro Cash: Yeah, we met on it once.
Hassell: Where did you normally meet?
Euro Cash: Usually a cafe, but this time he was insistent on a bike parking lot.
Woodsman Cop: Hey, so I one time attended a super wild bachelor party. Anyway, one of the guys had a big bag with him, and instead of carrying it around all night he kept it at the left luggage department. And you needed a code to get in.
Euro Cash: Holy crap, that’s near the bike parking lot.
That’s GOT to be it! No time to waste, the whole squad runs off to the left luggage area, with potential combinations of locker number and code generated by Clooves. Finally they locate and open locker 1673 to reveal: a laptop. Back on the boat, while half the squad drinks on the deck, Euro Cash and Hassell bring Big Cheese below to show her the footage.
Big Cheese: We’ve got them. We’ll make copies, and take precautions, but this is enough.
First stop: Muckety-Muck’s house, where Euro Cash and Big Cheese interrupt his family breakfast to tell him they’ve got the evidence. In a very gross and unfortunately not super surprising turn of events, Muckety-Muck is one of the men on the tapes. They tell him he’s got 20 minutes to leave the house.
Big Cheese: We’ve come to you first because you’re on those tapes a lot.
Euro Cash: You’re going to jail for a long time. Unlike Cellist’s stalking reports, we’re not about to go away.
Big Cheese: And just in case you’re thinking of retribution, we’ve taken steps to make sure that if anything happens to us, that footage is going to every major media outlet in the world. It was Dutch Jeffrey Epstein’s idea.
Later, back at the office, Hassell pulls Euro Cash aside to ask how that next level conversation went with Lena. They know each other well enough that he doesn’t even need to answer: she just knows. Not content to wallow, Euro Cash heads across the office to ask how Clooves is doing, and naturally, our friend pretends everything is fine, at least at first.
Clooves: Actually, I’m having a hard time. I’ve got something I want to tell you. It’s the reason I was late. I have a sister, and we have a… complicated relationship.
Euro Cash: I know.
Clooves: You do? Were you going to tell me?
Euro Cash: I figured it was private.
Clooves: Ok. Well I just wanted you to know.
Euro Cash: Look, if it gets bad…
Clooves: … I know, I know: tell you.
Euro Cash: No, I was going to say we’re all here for you.
Aw! A few minutes later, they all look out the window to see Dutch Jeffrey Epstein and Restaurateur getting arrested. Such a major arrest should feel better, perhaps, but it’s hard to celebrate when so many people suffered so badly. Euro Cash, eagle eyed, notices Leather Jacket Lady pull up on the second floor garage and start walking towards the spot where Dutch Jeffrey Epstein will be arrested. This can’t end well, so he and Hassell run outside to try and intervene in what’s about to happen, but they’re too late. Leather Jacket Lady pulls out a gun and kills Dutch Jeffrey Epstein. Naturally, having done this right outside a police station, she gets arrested pretty much immediately.
Later, Hassell stops by the setup for Guest Conductor’s big concert, which was technically supposed to be canceled given that the head of the charity it was supporting just murdered somebody. The concert went ahead anyway.
Hassell: I’m proud of you.
Guest Conductor: Are you going to be ok?
Hassell: Yeah, I’ll be fine.
Guest Conductor: You staying for the concert?
Hassell: Oh, we ALL are. Except for Euro Cash, he’s got a lot of lost solo brooding time to make up for.
And solo brood he does: while Euro Cash takes to the sea, the team goes out to arrest a LOT of horrible men, and to free woman from trafficking. All in all, a successful if harrowing way to end the season. Will everyone continue to get more emotionally healthy next season (for yes, a third season has been filmed)? We’ll just have to wait and see. In the meantime, check back in next week when we have three amazing shows to watch: Miss Scarlet and The Duke season 2, Magpie Murders, and Annika!
