Every season, the Drama After Dark team gathers ‘round the (currently virtual) conference room table to watch the latest and greatest in British dramas. This month, our colleagues at MASTERPIECE delivered a deluge of new dramas, including Miss Scarlet & The Duke, a feminist detective series set in Victorian London. I’m here to recap all the mysteries (and the romance) of the season as it happens (and we’re also covering the show on Drama After Dark!).
Opening episode two with a lady in a billowy sneaking-around-cloak committing some light B&E with the aid of lockpicks? Perfection. Of course, the lady in question is none other than our pal Victoria Mars, who quickly makes her way into the office to do some desk rifling. A locked drawer is no match for our heroine, but just as she secures the bag of money she presumably came here for, a central casting Creepy British Child appears out of thin air to threaten the entire enterprise.
Creepy British Child: Who are you?
Victoria Mars: Uh… a friend of your dad’s? We’re playing hide and seek?
Creepy British Child: False! I saw Goody Proctor with the devil, and I saw you lurking in the bushes waiting for my dad to leave.
Victoria Mars: Ok, Abigail, simmer down. Why are you here all alone anyway?
Creepy British Child:
Mama has gone out to get me honey, and oh wow, do you hear that? She’s back. Maybe you could give me some of that money, so I can buy a doll?
Victoria Mars: No, weirdo, I have to go.
Creepy British Child: Well if you don’t give me money, I’ll scream, and you’ll go to jail.
Victoria Mars: Pleasure doing business with you, have a shiny nickel.
Creepy British Child: No. All of it.
Victoria Mars: Hilarious, but no. Your dad refused to pay me for a job because I’m a woman and he thinks he can get away with it; it’s my money.
Creepy British Child: I think you’re confusing me for someone who gives a sh*t.
Victoria Mars: Fine. Here.
Creepy British Child:
Morning wasted, and not a penny richer, Victoria Mars beats a hasty retreat. Gee I hope that kid gets her comeuppance later in the episode, what a little jerk! Anyway, Victoria Mars heads back to town to visit her angel investor, and one of the few people who I’ll allow an updated recap name, Super Rooper (the artist formerly known as Weak Willie).
Super Rooper: Hey girl! Great to see ya, welcome to my new house! Anyway, please meet my friend Dr. Moorehouse who’s super keen to meet an oddity like you.
Dr. Moorehouse: LADY. DETECTIVE.
Victoria Mars: Ok, weirdo. Anyway, I’m here to update you on the financial situation.
Super Rooper: Neat! Moorehouse, you won’t believe it, she insists on meeting every month to keep me looped in on the money stuff!
Dr. Moorehouse: So she’s just as smart as you said! I bet that this cute side-hustle of yours is doing great.
Victoria Mars: Sorry buddy, but you’ll lose that bet. Super Rooper, I’m sorry, but I can’t repay you the first month of the loan.
Super Rooper: Look, we’re business partners, but we’re friends too, right? It’s fine, there’s no rush to pay me back. Anyway, let’s party!
Dr. Moorehouse: I’m just going to say, Victoria Mars, I think your little hobby is so neat. What happens when you catch the baddies, do you wack ‘em with your purse?
Victoria Mars: Uh, ignoring that. Super Rooper, how did your mom react to you moving out?
Super Rooper: Oh, she haaaated it. But I just did what you said and stood up for myself!
Victoria Mars: You didn’t blame me for the new backbone though, right?
Dr. Moorehouse: LMAO he totally did.
Super Rooper: But don’t worry — now that she knows we won’t get married there should be no reason for her to come visit you anymore!
Famous last words, Super Rooper. Victoria Mars heads home, and guess who’s waiting on her doorstep? Obviously, it’s Snooty, and she’s mad. Interestingly, she’s also not just here to drink tea: she’s got some paperwork for Victoria Mars to look over.
Victoria Mars: This has to be a mistake, my dad would never miss something like this!
Snooty: Well I heard he was irresponsible and distracted after your mother died, so remembering to renew your lease probably just slipped his mind.
Victoria Mars: But I don’t have the money?
Snooty: Then I guess you'd better hit the bricks.
Victoria Mars: I’ve lived here my whole life, why would you do this?
Snooty: A of all, it’s called being consistent; why would you get different treatment from other renters? And B of all, duh, I’m mad that you taught my baby boy to be an adult.
Victoria Mars: So this is about me not marrying Super Rooper?
Snooty: YUP, and turning him against me. Pay me by the end of the week.
In the kitchen, Victoria Mars tries to commiserate with Ivy, who isn’t having it, TBH. See, it turns out that the maid left for a job that might actually pay her salary, and while growing pains ARE to be expected with a new business, it’s been six weeks with no success.
Victoria Mars: So are you gonna abandon me too?
Ivy: For some reason, no.
Victoria Mars: Well, I have a plan. What’s the best dress I have?
Ivy: Ugh, you gonna sell it?
Victoria Mars: No, but I need it pressed.
I think you all know where this is headed: Victoria Mars heads straight to Duke Silver’s office to subtly hit on him and not so subtly try and poach some of his cases. Lucky for her, several of his guys are out sick with food poisoning, so there’s a lot to choose from.
Victoria Mars: Say, I just now thought of something… maybe I can help! If you pay me, obviously.
Duke Silver: Tempting, but, no. You’re not a cop, so I can’t let you freelance.
Victoria Mars: Well no worries, I’m super busy with my own stuff.
Duke Silver: Yeah. Sure. I’ve heard. Three whole cases!
Victoria Mars: Ugh, are you SPYING on me?
Before Duke Silver can reveal his source, one of his coworkers pokes his head in the door to request backup on an arson case. None of the usual guys are available, so Duke Silver has to offer his assistance, leaving Victoria Mars with ample time to snoop around his office. While he’s out, a young officer pops in with an urgent message, which of course, Victoria Mars says she’ll pass along, but instead, she reads it herself, and heads out to investigate.
What she finds isn’t cute. A crying maid tells her not to go upstairs: it’s dangerous. Obviously, Victoria Mars isn’t about to listen to that, so she heads up only to find two men lying on the floor, one with his throat slashed. A woman comes in behind her and starts screaming, waking up the non-slashed fellow, who lurches to his feet and towards the women with a knife in his hand. Before he gets too close, Duke Silver and his buddy arrive and wrestle the man to the table at gunpoint.
Screaming Lady: Don’t hurt my husband!
The Husband: I didn’t kill anyone!
Duke Silver, at Victoria Mars: Dude, don’t read my emails! Curiosity killed the cat!
Victoria Mars: Oh please, everyone forgets that the second half of the idiom is “but satisfaction brought it back” — you should know this, you’re a detective too.
Duke Silver: Seriously, stop doing this and go home, I’ve had a really bad day.
Victoria Mars: Well your day might not be so bad if you’d cool it on the booze, gambling, and womanizing that I've deduced you're into from my snooping around your office earlier!
Predictably, Duke Silver isn’t a huge fan of THAT, and decides to charge our friend with Ye Olde Obstruction of Justice. She’s brought before a judge, who tells her she’ll either have to pay a fine (which she can’t do) or go to jail. Lucky for her, Screaming Lady from before is also present, and offers to pay her fine.
Obviously, Screaming Lady isn’t just paying our pal’s fine out of the goodness of her heart: she’s annoyed at Duke Silver, who won’t believe that her husband isn’t the murderer (possibly because his name is Mr. Butler, and we all know butlers belong on the suspect list), and wants to hire Victoria Mars to find the culprit.
Screaming Lady: My husband is a totally gooey sweetheart, he wouldn’t hurt a fly. I hope he’ll be ok in prison.
Victoria Mars: I’m going to be blunt: your husband was found in a very compromising position, and so I need you to pay me no matter what I find.
Screaming Lady: Well no worries there: I’m loaded, and I’ll pay you regardless.
Victoria Mars: Ok, so tell me everything about the dead guy; all the gory details.
Screaming Lady: Well, his name was Sebastian, and he wasn’t a singing crab, he was a fancy saloon owner. My husband did his accounting. I didn’t like him; he was loud and rude.
Loud and rude he might have been, but his saloon is pretty nice. When Victoria Mars sneaks in, it's weirdly, eerily quiet, but not for long because Moses, whom we met last episode, is here too.
Moses: Oh HI. It’s YOU. My ENEMY. I got fired because of you!
Victoria Mars: Uh, that’s a bummer! I’m here investigating a murder, maybe you can help me? And also, I’m armed!
Moses, pulling out a gun hidden under the desk: Well, that’s cute, but you know what they say about bringing a knife to a gun fight.
Victoria Mars: Please don’t kill me!
Moses, cracking a smile: LOL, I’m not going to. But I do want to hire you.
Downstairs at the bar, he pours them both drinks and explains. He wants her to find his father’s snuffbox, which was given to his father when he was emancipated.
Moses: My father suffered enormously and was the bravest man I’ve ever met, and that box is all I have left to remember him by. I asked this Sebastian guy to keep it in his safe, and so when I heard he’d died I came to collect my property, but no one had a key. And then last night, someone snuck in here and stole everything.
Victoria Mars: Did you see who it was?
Moses: It was the accountant’s wife. I was here fixing a table after dark and saw her let herself in; her husband had a key for his accounting work.
Victoria Mars: That’s weird though!
Moses: Well, she didn’t see me, but I saw her come in here with a green carpet bag that was empty when she arrived, and full when she left.
Victoria Mars: If it was dark, how did you know it was green? And why were you fixing a table in the dark in the first place?
Moses: UGH FINE. I wasn’t fixing a table. I was trying to break into the safe. That’s why I was there, and that’s why I KNOW she’s got my snuffbox. I would have stopped her too, but I’m already in trouble with the law.
Victoria Mars: Yeah, see, it’s not a cute look for me to investigate my own client. Unless you’re gonna pay me too?
Moses: I’m paying you by not killing you, smartass.
Fair enough! All that sorted, Victoria Mars heads over to Screaming Lady’s house, where she’s greeted by a maid who clearly isn’t all that impressed about the whole “lady detective” career path.
Screaming Lady: Oh, hi, you’re here. Sorry to talk in the hallway but I definitely can’t talk in the parlor after the murder… you get it. Anyway, here’s some money.
Victoria Mars: Uh, this isn’t the advance we agreed on?
Screaming Lady: Yeah buddy, didn’t you get my note? I’m ending our arrangement, this is the payout.
Victoria Mars: Well, I haven’t been back to the office to see your note, but we had a handshake agreement!
Screaming Lady: Don’t care, and I don’t need your help anymore. Now get out of my house, I’m late to church.
Victoria Mars: I’m sorry, I’m confused — what about your husband?
Screaming Lady: He sucks, and he can go to hell.
Victoria Mars: I’m suddenly just not feeling very well, do you think I could get a glass of water?
Screaming Lady: Yeah, whatever — maid, bring Victoria Mars some water before you kick her out. Bye!
Of course, once Screaming Lady leaves, the savvy maid makes a deal with our buddy Victoria Mars — she can have a good long snoop for a teensy tiny payout! Now, did we try this exact exchange with a snot-nosed (literally) creepy child earlier with a negative impact? Yes. But no matter: detectives must detect! Payout paid, Victoria Mars heads upstairs to look through the blood-soaked parlor and the aforementioned green carpetbag, where she finds Moses’ box AND a love letter written to Sebastian by someone with the same initials as Screaming Lady.
Back at the police station, Duke Silver has deputized his detective friend Frank to clear out the cells. Is that below Frank's paygrade? Yes, but Duke Silver spent the morning playing beat cop, and dealing with literal sh*t, so he doesn’t sympathize. At all. Frank takes his angst out on a poor constable, knocking off his hat and stealing his breakfast (another point in the "unredeemable cops" column). Duke Silver isn’t about to catch a break, because Victoria Mars is waiting in his office to spill the beans on Screaming Lady’s affair with the dead guy.
Victoria Mars: And THAT explains why she fired me — her husband’s got a motive! But it doesn’t explain why she hired me in the first place, does it?
Duke Silver: Oh, she fired you? That’s fun.
Victoria Mars: It’s weird: she was so sure he was innocent and suddenly she hates him?
Duke Silver: Well, who cares: her husband pleaded guilty.
Victoria Mars: Whaaat? When?
Duke Silver: This morning. Which is good, because I have a million cases this week.
Victoria Mars: That’s a lot of flip-flopping, I don’t think we can trust Screaming Lady. And she’s a thief — I found a bunch of stolen stuff from the victim’s safe at her house.
Duke Silver: Sorry, did you do some housebreaking today? Do you want me to arrest you again?
Victoria Mars: Yeah, speaking of which, that wasn’t cool!
Duke Silver: It was pretty cool actually, I got the judge to mess with you. Didn’t think Screaming Lady would bail you out.
Victoria Mars: That’s what I’m saying though — why bail me out and then fire me?
Duke Silver: I don’t care! The case is closed, I’m going to go release the body from the morgue, and no, you can’t come along.
Down at the morgue, this simple task proves more annoying than Duke Silver anticipated: it seems that red tape really can be found everywhere, including at the “please sign in triplicate” city morgue.
Morgue Bureaucrat: Anyway, sign here too. Surprised you didn't send someone lower down the food chain. Weird that you’re here, and that you brought your wife along.
Duke Silver:
Morgue Bureaucrat: But I asked her to wait outside — women aren’t allowed in the mortuary.
LOL, good try, Morgue Bureaucrat, we all know Victoria Mars isn’t about to wait outside. Obviously, the gents aren’t thrilled to find her trespassing, but she doesn’t care, because she’s found a clue. Basically, the cut across the victim’s throat goes left to right, indicating a right handed murderer, but the accused is a leftie.
Duke Silver: I don’t care! I’m just here to identify the body, which I’ve now done.
Morgue Bureaucrat: Wait, you have to sign more paperwork!
Victoria Mars: Also, there’s no fabric in the wound, so someone legit pulled down the guy’s shirt to kill him — does that sound like a crime of passion to you?
Morgue Bureaucrat: Please, get your wife out of here!
Duke Silver: She’s not my damn wife! Anyway, Victoria Mars, knife wounds are a mixed bag, you’d know that if you were a real detective.
And with that, Duke Silver storms out, leaving our pal with no good excuse to stay. Bribery worked before, so she gives that another shot, but alas, the Morgue Bureaucrat can’t be bought, and indeed, turns her in. Unfortunately for her, she gets the same judge as before, and he assigns her an even higher fine for being such a troublemaker. Not a great day for Victoria Mars! Lucky for her, Duke Silver decides to be nice, for once, and talks to the judge on her behalf.
Victoria Mars: Well, thanks. I’m sorry, I’ll try not to put you in that position again.
Duke Silver: Doubt it, but thanks. Look, I think we need to find a way to coexist.
Victoria Mars: Agree, and my dad liked those bumper stickers too.
Duke Silver: Great, so you’ll drop the case. Bye!
And with that, he trots off, leaving her annoyed, and ready to have an imaginary conversation with her dad.
Victoria Mars: Hey, remember when you told me that tattoos are good for getting insights into a victim? That’s gonna help me unlock this mystery.
How? Well the victim had a blue rose tattooed on his arm, and Victoria Mars remembers that Dr. Moorehouse, Super Rooper’s friend from the top of the episode, wore a blue rose in his lapel. So she heads over to interrogate her friend/angel investor about it.
Victoria Mars: You’ve got this vase of blue roses, and your friend was wearing one too. What does it mean?
Super Rooper: Uh. I don’t want to say.
Victoria Mars: I won’t tell anyone, I swear.
Super Rooper: They’re the midnight rose. They telegraph that one is… “a likeminded fellow.”
Victoria Mars: Huh?
Super Rooper:
Please be discreet, I could go to jail for this.
Victoria Mars: Your secret is safe with me. Question though — my victim Sebastian was having an affair with a woman.
Super Rooper: Uh, no. No way.
Victoria Mars: Wait, you knew him?
Super Rooper: He ran a safe meeting for us on Wednesday nights at his saloon. He was a fixture of the community. And also, it’s totally shocking that Teddy would murder him.
Victoria Mars: OH. Screaming Lady’s husband Edward? Which can be shortened to Teddy? Which would give him the initials on the note I found?
Super Rooper: Yeah, he was also a regular at the Wednesday night club.
Victoria Mars: Well crap. I don’t think he murdered your friend. Did Sebastian have any enemies?
Super Rooper: No, but the doorman might know? Can’t remember his name, but he’s Jamaican.
And so Victoria Mars, armed with a LOT of new info, goes to find the only Jamaican character we’ve seen on the show: Moses. When she gets to the saloon, the door is unlocked, so she just heads in.
Unfortunately, she’s not the only one sneaking around. Moses has been knocked out, and there are two dirty, disreputable types casing the joint.
Creep One: Oh, are you with him? Sorry, we might have killed him. But don’t go anywhere, keep us company?
Victoria Mars: Uh, no thanks, I’ll leave ya to… whatever you’re up to!
Creep One: We’re stealing, and no, you’re not going anywhere.
Obviously, she runs, but can’t get away completely. Creep One tells her to be quiet, or he’ll have Creep Two cut her tongue out (gross), but Creep Two is a little distracted by Moses’ dad’s snuffbox falling out of her pocket. He just can’t help himself, and picks up the box, takes a sniff, and immediately keels over. Dead? Hard to say, but Creep One is real mad about it, and redoubles his attack on Victoria Mars. Unlucky for him, she’s been in this office before, and knows where Moses hid his gun. It turns out it’s much easier to run off two creeps at gunpoint, and she dispatches them with plenty of time to wait for Moses to wake up so she can ask him about the snuffbox.
Victoria Mars: So, what’s the deal? There’s a LOT of opium in here… does that have anything to do with the murder?
Moses: Well, the opium isn’t actually mine. Neither is the box. And my dad wasn’t a slave.
Victoria Mars: So you just stole this?
Moses: Yeah man, I have zero job security now!
Victoria Mars: Nice sob story, sounds familiar! Anyway, I know you worked the door on Wednesday nights, what do you know about the murder?
Moses: Nothing, seriously, I’m just the bouncer.
Victoria Mars: Fun fact. If those guys saw you wake up they would’ve killed you.
Moses: Oh, so I owe YOU now? Fine. I know who supplied the opium.
Small world: we know the supplier too — it was Dr. Moorehouse. He prescribed the drugs because Sebastian was terminally ill, and in a lot of pain.
Victoria Mars: So who knew about it?
Dr. Moorehouse: He only wanted to tell me, which is partly why I was so surprised that Screaming Lady knew.
Victoria Mars: What? I thought she didn’t like him…
Dr. Moorehouse: Well, I went over after the murder to try and retrive the opium; if the cops found it, it would lead to a lot of questions. When I got there, she was crying all over the murder scene, and then she told me she hoped he suffered from the tumor and she was sure her husband would soon join him. Her hands were shaking so bad she almost dropped the letter.
Victoria Mars: The letter?
Dr. Moorehouse: Yup.
Victoria Mars: She left my office SURE her husband was innocent, and then an hour later wanted him in jail — it must have been because of the letter. Did you get a look at it at all?
Dr. Moorehouse: All I saw was that it was addressed to Teddy.
Victoria Mars runs off to the morgue, where Duke Silver is checking on the body again.
Duke Silver: Oh my god, you’re not allowed in here, go away!
Victoria Mars: Well, Morgue Bureaucrat is off dealing with an urgent message, so it’s no biggie.
Duke Silver: How do you know?
Victoria Mars: I sent the message, duh. Anyway, I have info for you: Mr. Butler didn’t do it.
Duke Silver: Well, he said he did, and he’s about to be executed, so…
Victoria Mars: Brace yourself: he was having an affair with the victim!
Duke Silver: And? Who cares.
Victoria Mars: Wow, I expected you to be more closed minded. Look, the victim killed himself. He was dying. He wrote a suicide letter, but Screaming Lady found it, and she’s so jealous and angry about being cheated on that she’s hiding the letter and framing her husband. Don’t let her get away with it! I know you’re busy this week, but don’t let an innocent man hang!
Apparently that does the trick, because Duke Silver and Victoria Mars head right to Screaming Lady’s house to try and arrest her. One problem: she’s already gone to the train station, heading for America, according to the maid.
Duke Silver: Then why is her stuff still here?
Maid: I’m supposed to pack everything and send it separately. Here’s her receipt for the ticket.
Victoria Mars: Well, go on and get her, it’ll look good all around if you arrest her.
Duke Silver heads off to the station, but Victoria Mars has a hunch, and instead goes to the execution, where she finds Screaming Lady, watching, wearing the coat her husband gave her. Since she’s so furious at her husband, the only reason she’d wear the coat again is to taunt him while he dies.
Victoria Mars: I know you’re mad, but we both know your husband is innocent! Where’s the letter?
Screaming Lady: He cheated on me, and I’m super religious so I’m not just mad, I’m also homophobic!
Victoria Mars: But he’s not a murderer: don’t let him die! Give me the letter, please!
She does, just in time. Victoria Mars runs to the guards, evidence aloft, and stops the execution. Later, Duke Silver and Victoria Mars get the full story from Mr. Butler: Sebastian had asked him to run away together so they could be together for his death, but Mr. Butler couldn’t handle the shame of telling his wife, so he refused. The next day, he found Sebastian in the drawing room with the knife, unwilling to die alone. He knocked Mr. Butler unconscious and then killed himself, leaving Mr. Butler with no good options: either he pleads guilty of murder and dies, or presents the letter, outing himself.
Victoria Mars: But you’re free, right?
Mr. Butler: Kind of? I mean I’m grateful but also my reputation is ruined and my wife hates me, so that’s not great!
No time to dwell on the albeit unintended consequences of her actions: Victoria Mars is done with the case, and about to get complimented by the preternaturally grumpy Duke Silver.
Duke Silver: Good job today. Your dad would be proud.
Victoria Mars: Do you really have to charge Screaming Lady? She only broke into the safe to help cover her husband’s secret.
Duke Silver: B&E is still B&E. Also, there’s the whole obstruction of justice thing. Speaking of which, you KNEW she wasn’t on the train.
Victoria Mars: Yeah, well I needed a win more than you did.
Duke Silver: My bosses aren’t thrilled.
Victoria Mars: Whatever, you can deal with them. You deal with everyone.
Duke Silver: Except you I guess. Anyway, I gotta get back to work, stay out of trouble, ya hear?
Victoria Mars: Absolutely.
Me:
Back at the house, Victoria Mars arrives to find Super Rooper hiding in the kitchen: his Snooty mom is here too, and she’s dragged him along.
Victoria Mars: So she’s here about the lease huh?
Super Rooper: Yeah dude, I tried, but no dice. Look, I know you might want to upset her, since she’s such a jerk…
Victoria Mars: What could I say that would upset her?
Super Rooper: Come on, you know what I’m talking about. Sometimes people say stuff in the heat of the moment, and…
Victoria Mars: I wouldn’t. I promise. Now I better go deal with her, before she gets even grumpier. Maybe she’ll even be in a good mood and give me an extension!
Nope. Snooty wants payment today, or Victoria Mars and company are getting evicted. But that doesn’t seem to be a problem, because Victoria Mars is apparently flush with cash? She hands a huge wad over to Snooty, and then pays Ivy. Where did she get the money? Well it turns out that Victoria Mars’ client base is a lot more scared of a strapping Jamaican gentleman than they are of her (racist AND sexist? In this economy?), so she’s hired Moses as a collector, and he’s had no trouble wrangling cash out of the withholding jerk from the beginning of the episode.
Will Duke Silver ever stop being such a jerk and let Victoria Mars assist on cases without chasing her off? Will Victoria Mars start thinking about the impact of her actions outside of the endorphin rush of solving puzzles? And what kind of shenanigans will we see next week? We’ll just have to watch episode 3 to find out.
