Every season, the Drama After Dark team gathers ‘round the (currently virtual) conference room table to watch the latest and greatest in British dramas. This month, just in time for the election, we’re covering MASTERPIECE’s new political drama Roadkill. If you would enjoy a mashup of Veep and The West Wing with added British flavor and a whole lot of familiar faces, then this is the show for you. I’m here to recap the season as it happens (and we’re also covering the show on Drama After Dark).
Oh, were you hoping to find out the outcome of the various traffic collisions last week? Joke's on YOU because instead, we open this episode with the extremely badass Rose, who’s beginning her day at Sheffield Prison. Unfortunately for her, things are NOT GOOD. She returns from a shower to find her roommate Mystery Gal unconscious in bed, with a needle stuck in her arm. Thankfully, quick thinking Rose sends the guard for a defibrillator, but the panicked guard doesn’t actually know how to use it, which feels like a massive oversight (almost as much of an oversight as the guards not carrying naloxone, the drug that reverses opioid overdoses and would actually be pretty useful in this situation). Rose begins CPR and we cut away to the opening credits, and I’m just gonna say it: this really feels like a murder, not an overdose.
Meanwhile, Brit Bartlet is released from hospital following his accident, and gives a short press conference on his way out. He uses this as an opportunity to talk about how great the staff, and indeed, the NHS are, which I’d be a lot more comfortable with if we didn't already know about his secret plans to ruin the NHS via privatization. He's met in the car by the very patient Helen of Croydon.
Helen of Croydon: So, you’re not gonna die, huh?
Brit Bartlet: Apparently not.
Helen of Croydon: Well, lets head home — Kid Bartlet is making dinner.
Brit Bartlet: Seriously? She never does that.
Helen of Croydon: Well it’s not every day that you mow down ungulates on your way home, so.
Back at the house, Kid Bartlet peels potatoes with a level of rage that I find, frankly, impressive. Her attack on the innocent spuds is only the beginning: we’re to be joined for dinner by Susan. Now you may be asking: whomst? Apparently, Susan is the OTHER daughter, who’s been off the grid for some time. Brit Bartlet asks all the appropriate questions in this moment, i.e. the same things you’d ask Cotton Eye Joe. Where is she coming from? Where has she been?
The long and short of it is that Kid Bartlet has been covering for her sister, and has called her here today to just absolutely go to town on their cheating father. He seems fairly unperturbed by this, but that’s only because he hasn’t yet figured out that Kid Bartlet knows about Lady Friend. I predict a fun night for everyone.
Back at Downing Street, Wing Woman has concerns; specifically, that three aid workers have been killed in Yemen.
Iron Lady 2.0: Uh, that’s not good. I hadn’t heard about this?
Wing Woman: We still haven’t told anyone, because we’re pretty sure the Saudis used rockets we made in the attack.
Iron Lady 2.0: So your classic case of British charity workers killed by British weapons? Disaster.
Wing Woman: Pretty much. We’re trying to keep it quiet, but the press will insist on going ahead with doing their jobs.
Iron Lady 2.0: Well, keep me posted. You tell me everything, right?
Wing Woman, absolutely terrifying: Oh for sure: everything that’s useful! Nighty night!
And with that non-answer, she departs, leaving a slightly perturbed PM in her wake. Back at Sheffield, Rose is brought back into Head Honcho’s office.
Head Honcho: So, you’re aware of what happened.
Rose: I sure am. I saw what you did, I’ve filed a complaint, and I hope you rot.
Head Honcho: Yeah, saw your complaint; not gonna do anything with it yet though. We need to take a beat.
Rose: And why would we do that?
Head Honcho: Look, Mystery Gal had siblings and we don’t want to make them unnecessarily upset.
Rose: What the hell? The guard will agree with me, she knows she didn’t handle this well. And guess what, I blame you personally: the system is horrible, but even a horrible system can function if the people involved give a crap, and you clearly don’t. I’m in touch with the Justice Minister, and you better believe I’m going to fill him in on this.
Head Honcho: If you think you can use a friend’s death for some kind of personal revenge…
Rose: That’s not what this is about. You have power; I don’t.
Head Honcho: You gave up your power when you did crimes! Mystery Gal was a trouble-maker, we all saw!
Rose: So that means she shouldn’t deserve justice? And thanks for the condolences BTW, you jerk.
Meanwhile, at Brit Bartlet’s house, the prodigal daughter has returned.
Brit Barlet: So. Your sister is on a rampage. Where have you been?
Susan the Prodigal: Trying to save the planet in the arctic. And don’t laugh, because I think you’ll find that 100 years from now people are going to look back and say that climate change activists are doing the right thing.
Brit Barlet: I wish you’d told us where you went. I knew you’d be fine, but your mum worries.
Susan the Prodigal: Oh, yes, I’m sure she’s literally only worried because I was MIA, and not because of your nonsense. Love that they put you in charge of prisons, btw; it’s hilarious because you should be in jail. Anyway, do you care about Lady Friend, or is she just a passing fancy?
Brit Bartlet: I don’t know much about your private life. Why do you think you should know about mine?
Susan the Prodigal: Because you’re my dad. And I’ve grown up while you’ve stayed acting like a kid.
Inside, Brit Bartlet lets Helen of Croydon know that Susan the Prodigal has arrived.
Helen of Croydon, pissed: You know, I was doing great. I’d figured out a way to be happy, and have dignity, and then you let the kids find out our dirt and now I’m humiliated all over again. If you wanted to leave why didn’t you just tell me?
Brit Bartlet: I don’t want to leave you though? We have a family?
Helen of Croydon: Feels more like you’re staying because you think I can’t handle myself. I don’t want to be someone you have to take care of.
Brit Bartlet: I can explain.
Helen of Croydon: Well, hold off, sport: Kid Bartlet wants you to do that in front of everyone.
Brit Barlet: And you think it’s a good idea for us to talk about our relationship with them?
Helen of Croydon: I think we’re rather painted into a corner, pal.
Back at the law offices of Barrister SBBB, Barrister 2 is miserable, because unlike OTHER fictional characters who get hit head on by large motor vehicles, Charmian did not survive her accident. Usually, I’m all for medical accuracy in the media, but this is just a bummer.
Barrister SBBB: Wait, what? How did it happen?
Barrister 2: She got hit by a vehicle.
Barrister SBBB: And where’s the driver?
Barrister 2: Gone.
Barrister SBBB: Ok, and you think something fishy is going on, right?
Barrister 2: I mean no one saw the collision but… I talked to her right before she died and she’d just met a source who could confirm Brit Bartlet was in DC when Charmian had said he was.
Barrister SBBB: But she didn’t tell you the sources name, right? And had she been drinking?
Barrister 2: WOW, I can’t believe you’re asking that! But, uh, yeah, she sounded a bit drunk. And guess what.
Barrister SBBB: What.
Barrister 2: The police are saying she was jaywalking; there was a smashed bottle of vodka in her bag and her blood alcohol level was through the roof. But riddle me this: why didn’t the driver stop? Are we going to just let them kill her because she had a relapse?
Also having a crappy time with this? The team at the paper.
Newswoman: If it makes you feel better, I ALSO feel responsible for her death.
Boss: I shouldn’t have let her go, she was in a terrible state and not in a position to handle this investigation. Does she have family?
Newswoman: Just her parents.
Boss, doing the bare minimum: Send them some flowers from us.
Meanwhile, Brit Bartlet and the crew have an excruciatingly awkward family dinner. Kid Bartlet hasn’t actually cooked the chicken all the way through, and is very petulant about the whole thing. Susan the Prodigal is a vegetarian. Just a real disaster all around.
Kid Bartlet, remaining on message: I don’t want to talk about my cooking, I want you to explain why you’re so horrible to our mother!
Brit Bartlet, remaining on HIS message: Well I would like YOU to explain why you were taking so many drugs!
Kid Barlet: Because they’re fun; I learned it from watching Susan!
Susan The Prodigal: Don’t pin that on me; I’m clean now.
Helen of Croydon, desperate for normalcy: Oh, that’s wonderful news! Good for you!
Kid Bartlet: I also was doing drugs because I just got out of a relationship with a man who mixed up sexuality and violence.
Helen of Croydon: Must we? I have my big concert tonight and I just can’t deal with hearing about your sex life as well.
Susan The Prodigal: Wait, did your boyfriend hit you?
Kid Bartlet: No, but he sucked! And I needed an escape!
Brit Bartlet: And you just… forgot that I was minister of justice?
Kid Bartlet, maybe should be a barrister: Well technically you weren’t, at the time. Sorry I wasn’t following your political career; I was trying to live my own life! All of the women in your life are stuck dealing with your meteoric rise when frankly we’d rather just be regular people; did you ever think of that? Why do you think Susan left?
Susan the Prodigal, lighting up a cigarette:
I wasn’t running away from you all, I was running toward what I care about. There’s a difference.
Brit Bartlet: I’m so confused: I don’t try to control you kids!
Kid Bartlet: And in exchange you get to just chase skirts?
Brit Bartlet: Yeah, we all get to be free together? This is a libertarian family? RIP to those other dads but I’m different!
Kid Bartlet: You act like you own all of us! And you’ve made both of your kids really messed up!
Susan the Prodigal: Uh, I’m fine, thank you.
Kid Bartlet: You live on a boat in the arctic, simmer down.
Susan the Prodigal: I am an AcTiViSt! And anyway, I’m helping make space in the country for rich white people, that’s what your party likes, right Pops?
Brit Bartlet, not really paying attention just now because he got a “CALL ME” text from Sidekick: I’m pro immigration.
Kid Bartlet: WELL ABOUT THAT: your Lady Friend is a foreigner, right? I googled her. How did you meet?
Brit Bartlet: You really want to know about my extramarital affair? Fine, I met her while I was at the department of culture.
Kid Bartlet, coming in for the kill: Oh, ok, so it’s been a bit. Were you seeing her when mum had cancer?
Helen of Croydon: I was sick for a long time, and we all struggled.
Kid Bartlet: Yeah, but dad was screwing a librarian while you had a mastectomy! And that’s gross! What does she have that we don’t have?
Susan the Prodigal: LOL
Brit Barlet: Ok, so you want to know this? She had recently lost a child, and grief is very intimate. I helped her heal.
Kid Bartlet: Well that feels like BS. You are SUCH a liar.
Brit Bartlet, getting yet another text from Sidekick and really losing it: Oh, you want the truth? Guess what: you have a surprise sister. Who apparently is incarcerated. I don’t know who her mother is; but someone I had an affair with. I just found out the other day.
Susan the Prodigal: So… just the one surprise daughter, then? It’d be a good time to tell us, if there's more than one. You know, rip the Band-Aid.
Kid Bartlet: Why am I the only one who’s upset right now? You guys, we all know that dad got away with lying in that court case!
Helen of Croydon: Well, this has been great. Love this honesty, I’m really enjoying myself. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go rehearse Handel’s Messiah.
And with that, the family scatters to the wind, leaving Kid Bartlet’s quest to wreck her dad unsuccessful. Brit Bartlet heads outside to call Sidekick, only to find him lurking in the drive. Sidekick is concerned about Brit Bartlet’s safety, given the phone freeze, and explains that he has some news from Sheffield.
At Downing Street, Wing Woman heads into Iron Lady 2.0’s office to tell her that a) a guy named Trevor is outside and b) Iron Lady 2.0 better go be nice to him because Trevor is important. Who the heck is he? Well he’s on the board of the British Defense Group, which probably means he’s here about that thing in Yemen.
Trev: You suspended our weapons licenses.
Iron Lady 2.0: Yeah buddy, had to. It’s temporary! Come on, you know me: I love big business, but I also have to represent the people!
Trev: Well guess what, our entire national industry is built on weapons and pharma; shutting us down isn’t patriotic. You’re just throwing your weight around because you’re popular right now!
Iron Lady 2.0: False! I’m doing this because public opinion goes down when aid workers get killed by friendly fire lite!
Trev: We hold the purse strings; if you attack us, it’ll go badly for you.
Iron Lady 2.0: Trev, buddy, come on: you know I’m a raging capitalist, I’m on your side.
Trev: Well you better be, and that’s a threat!
Meanwhile, Brit Bartlet tries to explain to Sidekick why he’s spending time with his family: he just got a dressing down from the nerd child.
Brit Bartlet: It skips a generation — my mum didn’t like me, and now my kids don’t either.
Sidekick: Well to be fair, we don’t know about the third one. She might like you! But that’s what we have to discuss.
Brit Bartlet: So let’s hear it: what was so urgent?
Sidekick: I heard from Head Honcho that Mystery Gal died from a drug overdose.
Brit Bartlet: And do we think that she was my daughter?
Sidekick: No, we think that she talked to your daughter.
Brit Bartlet: And now she’s dead. Here’s the thing: are you trying to ruin my life? I won a case, and you took me to a prison for a meeting that didn’t need to happen. I told you to back off, and you kept digging.
Sidekick: What was I supposed to do? She sent that comb, it got recorded in our mail! You’ve always told me to take care of things. I have good instincts, and I was right about this. Just go charm her and admit it’s happening, and you’ll never need to hear from her again.
Brit Bartlet: Well I might have more faith in you if Iron Lady 2.0 hadn’t found out about my daughter around the same time I did.
Sidekick:
Brit Bartlet: I know you’re hooking up with Wing Woman, and don’t even pretend like you’re not. Iron Lady 2.0 has access to all of my dirt, and that’s because of your relationship. Guess what, pal, I only ended up in court because someone in our office was leaking. So maybe you should spend more time trying to figure THAT out instead of hunting down DNA tests.
And speaking of the leak, back in London, Baby Driver cleans the car and chats to her girlfriend Margaret the Tipster.
Baby Driver: Any word from the lawyer? And what was she like, anyway?
Margaret the Tipster: No, no updates. She’s super intense and professional, but she might be fun deep down.
Baby Driver: She single?
Margaret the Tipster: Probably. She seems like the type who would rather be lonely than disappointed.
Baby Driver: Boooo. Anyway, she better help us. I really don’t want to work for that jerk anymore.
Speaking of that jerk, he’s in the audience watching Helen of Croydon’s choir performance, and appears to genuinely like it. She’s already preoccupied with figuring out how to one up herself next year, when Brit Bartlet gets a phone call from Sidekick. Finally, the news about Charmian has made its way to their offices.
Brit Bartlet: WHAT? Did we even know she was in DC?
Sidekick: No, but she must have been pursuing the case. It’s nothing suspicious, they say it was an accident.
Brit Bartlet, not so easily convinced: Hm. Yeah, I’m sure it wasn’t.
Back in the house, with the kids gone, Helen of Croydon is much less meek than we were lead to believe.
Helen of Croydon: So, did you figure out who the mom is? You aren’t careful about these things AND you seem to hook up with a new person every time I turn around, so I’d imagine that’ll be a challenge for you.
Brit Bartlet: Well I don’t move on from you, so.
Helen of Croydon: That’s only because you haven’t had to. You’ve never hurt me until today; I’ve had my own, respectable life over here, but now people are going to PITY me.
Brit Bartlet: I know how loyal you are, and how hard it was to be in the public eye so much during the trial. But there’s been a wrench thrown in the works, and I need to make sure you’re going to stick with the story and double down on what you said in court.
Helen of Croydon: Get the HELL out of my house. Is that all I am to you? A liar?
Brit Bartlet calls up Baby Driver to come fetch him, and while he waits, he confronts Susan the Prodigal.
Brit Bartlet: So, verdict? Am I guilty in the eyes of the Kid Kangaroo Court? And where’s your sister? Off celebrating her work today?
Susan the Prodigal: LOL, she’ll never be happy with you. She’ll probably be online shopping for a guillotine as soon as she gets back from hooking up with some stranger down at the pub. I have a cause I care about, so I’m doing fine, actually.
Brit Bartlet: Could you just do me a solid and call your mother sometimes?
Susan the Prodigal: I try, but she hates me because I see through her BS.
Brit Bartlet: So your sister wants to take me out, and you’re gunning for your mom. Fun family! Anway, I’m surrounded by problems, if it’s not you all, it’s Lady Friend. She just turned down a job in Texas so she can stay close.
Susan the Prodigal: LMAO, so she can stay close to YOU? Hilarious. You’re in it now, dad.
Brit Bartlet: I’ve always been so worried about the past coming back to bite me. Everyone always wants something: you’re my favorite because you don’t.
Susan the Prodigal: Oh, you absolute ninny — I want what the rest of the family does too, I’m just too proud to ask for it.
Brit Bartlet: So is that why you’ve been hiding out in the arctic? Either way, I miss ya, kiddo.
He doesn’t stick around to prove it, however, hopping in the car and using the long drive as a chance to interrogate Baby Driver. Did she pay attention to the trial, for instance?
Baby Driver, for sure lying: Nope. Didn’t feel like it was my place.
At Lady Friend’s house, Brit Bartlet shows up unannounced, and makes the mistake of asking her where she was that evening. She, correctly, cold shoulders him HARD: she’s a single woman with no obligations — she was doing whatever the heck she wanted.
Brit Bartlet: Sorry I didn’t call. I had to see my family. You don’t want to hear about it.
Lady Friend: Actually, I do, because I care. Explain.
Brit Bartlet: They were very mad.
Lady Friend: Wow, so many details, thanks for sharing. You saying I don’t need to know?
Brit Bartlet: Yeah, that’s exactly what I’m saying. I don’t come here for that.
Lady Friend: So I’m just not real? All I am to you is a hookup? Just a smart lady with a dead child so you can believe you saved me? You have no idea what it’s like to be the girlfriend.
Brit Bartlet, now dodging glassware: You told me that’s what you wanted!
Lady Friend: Yeah, and that was obviously a lie, and you just went on believing it because it made you feel better.
At Sheffield, it’s visiting day, and Rose meets with her mum.
Momma Rose: Why didn’t you call me? I was worried sick about you after the riot.
Rose: Mum, don’t worry about me, worry about this broken system I’m caught up in. Also, my best friend was just killed, so I’ve been a little preoccupied. Look, I have something to tell you and you’re not gonna like it — remember how we talked about getting in touch with my dad?
Momma Rose: I made a call about that before you were born.
Rose: Right, YOU made the call. I should get to decide too. I want a life when I get out, and I want a father.
Momma Rose: I’ve told you before. Your father is charming, and fun, and he doesn’t care about anyone but himself.
Rose: I want him to know I exist.
Unfortunately for them, this isn’t exactly a private place to have a conversation, and one of the guards overhears, and runs out of there to report what she just heard to the folks in charge.
Meanwhile, Trev plots with the Chairman of the Conservative party. Now, the party can’t LOOK like they’re in opposition to the PM, but that doesn’t mean they can’t become a problem for her. They’ll need a diversion. And what better way to set that up than to corner Wing Woman at a mixer?
Party Chairman: Oh, hey girl! Hoping we can catch up: I have some problems with your/our boss. She’s making a mistake in ignoring how mad we all are.
Wing Woman: You really think I’m not going to tell her you said that? I’m loyal, and hardworking, and we’re very close. This is about Trev, right? Don’t try and implicate me, it won’t work.
Party Chairman: Prime Ministers don’t fall because they lose the public; it happens because they get caught lying. You could help with that.
Wing Woman: Why would I though?
Party Chairman: Better opportunities, obviously.
Wing Woman: And who would be the new PM?
Party Chairman: Oh, we’ve got someone in mind! But you’ll have to wait for another episode to find out who, probably!
While all this is happening, Brit Bartlet is back on the radio, talking about his accident, and the brand new rumor that the ex foreign secretary is about to challenge Iron Lady 2.0 (us, finding out something before Wing Woman? She's slipping!). Brit Bartlet’s cohost tries to get him to trash Iron Lady 2.0, but he won’t do it; he throws out his typical political platitudes, and basically says everyone is great. Barrister SBBB catches part of this interview, and for some reason, this is the final straw that makes her open that mysterious file from Margaret the Tipster. And yes, the evidence therein is as damning as can be: photocopies of the original paper planner that prove Charmian wasn’t lying. Barrister SBBB doesn’t waste time: she finds Margaret the Tipster in the midst of a cater-waiter shift, and drags her into a stairwell for a chat.
Barrister SBBB: Stop messing around. The photocopies aren’t enough; I need to know why you’re in this thing, and what you want. That journalist is dead, I need the truth.
Margaret the Tipster: Fine. My mother died when her boiler leaked gas: she had reported it, but Brit Bartlet was negligent, and didn’t do anything about it. He claimed it was an accident.
Barrister SBBB: And how do you have his calendar?
Margaret the Tipster: My girlfriend is his driver. Please be careful: she could lose her job.
Barrister SBBB: Yeah buddy, so could I!
Later, back at the law office, Barrister 2 find the photocopies on his desk.
Barrister 2: Uh, what the heck? Where did you get this?
Barrister SBBB: A whistleblower, I guess? They want an extra layer of protection, so they came to me.
Barrister 2: Yes, but why YOU, in particular?
Barrister SBBB: Here’s the thing: that photocopy doesn’t prove anything except that he went to DC. So, like, perjury; that’s not enough.
Barrister 2: So… I’m sorry, but I called the paper. I told them I was a friend of Charmian’s and that she had mentioned there was a big source on her last tape, and that they should check it. They don’t have that tape; it ended up with her parents. Between those two things we’re looking at real evidence.
Barrister SBBB, running up to close the door: You can’t do that. We’re his legal team, we exonerated the guy.
Barrister 2: And you’re ok with this? I don’t buy it.
And guess what, he SHOULDN’T buy it, because Barrister SBBB promptly pays a visit to Charmian’s mum to collect tape. They haven’t looked through her stuff, and Charmian's mom leaves Barrister SBBB alone with the suitcase. After only a moderate amount of snooping, she finds the tape recorder.
At Sheffield, Rose makes a call to Sidekick.
Rose: Heyyyyyyy so… my friend Mystery Lady met with my dad because I was nervous. But now I want justice for her.
Sidekick: Uhhh... we can’t do any special favors or anything.
Rose: Well I want to meet him anyway. Do you think he’ll agree?
Sidekick: I’ll see what I can do.
Sidekick, obviously aware that this is gonna be a nightmare on his end, takes the time to do a little bit of background research on Rose before he tells Brit Bartlet. Here’s the deal: Rose is in jail for white collar crimes, having defrauded a major bank. Apparently it was big news when she was caught, a couple of years ago.
Sidekick: So, well, she wants to meet with you now.
Brit Bartlet, terrifying disappointed dad voice: I think I’ll make that call for myself this time around. Thank you, Sidekick.
Meanwhile, Barrister SBBB (who might need a recap name change) brings Charmian’s recordings to the folks at the paper, who are understandably pretty pleased. Brit Bartlet has a discrete chat and chess game with Party Chairman. Obviously they spend the evening talking in circles around what they really mean (they’re politicians, after all) but the gist of it is that Party Chairman would like to get rid of Iron Lady 2.0, and is well aware that Brit Bartlet is an ambitious man who would probably love to get the top job of Prime Minister.
Will Brit Bartlet have a chance to grasp that brass ring, or will his lies come back to bite him before he even agrees to get on the carousel with Party Chairman? Will Rose get justice for her friend and a chance to meet, and probably be disappointed by, her dad? Only one way to find out, and that’s tuning in next week for the season finale!
Episode 1 Recap: Papa Can You Hear Me?
Episode 2 Recap: Look Both Ways
