Every season, the Drama After Dark team gathers ‘round the conference room table to watch the latest and greatest in British dramas. This summer, we’re incredibly excited to bring you coverage of MASTERPIECE’s new show Beecham House. Beecham is a delight: sensual and sumptuous, it features an attractive and diverse cast, a historical setting that encourages reflection, and absolutely to-die-for costumes. I’m here to recap the season as it happens just in case you, dear reader, miss an episode and haven’t yet been able to catch up on WGBH Passport.
Welcome back to Beecham House, where we’re kicking things off with what I have to assume is Bindu’s literal worst nightmare: she’s trying to give Mom Beecham a bath, and Mom Beecham is throwing a fit. Her complaints: the water is brown, the towels are thin, and she thinks she’s going to slip. Baadal bustles in on hearing her shrieks to try and troubleshoot, but she just seems determined to be unpleasant. He's not gonna stick around for that, so he heads out to get new towels and abandons Bindu to deal with Mom Beecham, who’s insisting that this isn’t how ladies bathe. Before she can explain her personal cleanliness standards, a scorpion trudles through the bathroom. Bindu casually shoos it away because a) she’s clearly seen a few scorpions in her day and b) she’s a boss. Mom Beecham and PTF Violet freak out loud enough that Baadal, Ram Lal, and several other folks run in.
Baadal: Yikes, back away from that, it is poisonous.
Mom Beecham: Well go pick it up!
Baadal: Uh, no?
Ram Lal: Screw this, I’ll do it.
He picks it up and seems to delight in waving it near Mom Beecham’s face (frankly, relatable).
Mom Beecham: Thanks, now come check my room every hour, I am NOT going out like that.
Bindu chuckles in the background. Good: a laugh is the least she deserves after dealing with Mom Beecham.
Off at the Company camp in Kannauj, JB and Captain Sideburns ride in looking for Brother Beecham. I get that the plan is to sneak him out so that no one knows JB still has a family connection to the bad guys, but it kinda seems like riding up in the middle of the day is going to lead Emperor Badass and Castillon to draw the same conclusion. JB clearly doesn’t want to be there either, and we find out why through another flashback: JB tries to stop a group of Company soldiers from attacking a bunch of civilians who can’t pay their taxes. It doesn’t work, and after JB tries to get his boss to stop, he’s ordered to leave, thankfully before we have to witness even more violence against these folks.
Back in the present at Murad Beg’s place, Ozzy and Rosh are painting up a storm when a certain French General pops over to get his flirt on. Rosh pretends like she’s not sitting right there and enjoying every second of this nascent love triangle.
Castillon: Hey girl, look at this thing I just got from France along with my cognac? Spoiler alert, it’s perfume!
Ozzy, a governess, but still invested in her toilette: OMFG this is way too nice thank youuuu.
Castillon: Girl, I know you like fancy French perfume! BTW, have you heard from your brother? We haven’t been able to find him. What are you gonna do, head home?
Ozzy: Actually, I’ve decided I like it here, and I’m gonna stay.
Castillon: Woah, what changed your mind?
Ozzy: A hot Englishman? No wait pretend I didn’t say that: just more English people makes me less homesick! It’s definitely not about a crush I have on somebody.
Castillon: Huh, so reading between the lines, I feel like I should warn you to watch out for JB; that guy is dangerous.
Ozzy: Whatevs, if he was dangerous, why did he bring his cranky old ma to come stay? Check and mate, good sir.
Speaking of which, guess who’s being a jerk about her mosquito bites? PTF Violet tells Mom Beecham to cool it and listen to Bindu, who’s trying to apply turmeric to soothe the bites, and to maybe try some of the delicious lunch.
Mom Beecham: No! I can’t eat when I'm so worried — when will my baby boy return? I need to talk to someone who understands English.
Chanchal/everyone else on staff/me: WTF? The whole staff speaks English.
Mom Beecham, apparently proud of her ignorance: I don’t even know what to call you!
Chanchal: Uh, my name?
Mom Beecham for some reason (hint: it’s racism!) can’t/won’t figure out how to pronounce "Chanchal," and insists that they have to do things differently around the house. What does that mean? She’s assigning everyone an English name. Chanchal will be Channing, Bindu will be Beatrice, and Baadal will be Barton. Baadal goes along with this plan because it’s his job to help her out, but I think we can all agree that this is deeply uncool. Baadal reaffirms that he’ll take care of Mom Beecham, which she thinks is kind, and everyone else knows is a paycheck.
Over in the French camp, some folks are setting up gallows (yikes), when Castillon tells Huge Fighting Guy from the last episode that the Brits have set up camp at Kannauj. Apparently, news travels fast!
Huge Fighting Guy: That’s right next to the Emperor’s land, are you sure?
Castillon: Yeah, unfortunately. And it’s obviously a provocation, why else would they be here other than planning an attack?
Huge Fighting Guy: Ugh, we’re getting closer to the Brits annexing India every day.
Castillon: We gotta warn the Emperor and stop this. If JB even thinks about that camp, he's in for it.
Smash cut to: JB, wandering through that exact camp.
Captain Sideburns: You, boy: what day is it? Wait, sorry, that’s A Christmas Carol… Where’s Daniel Beecham?
Soldier Boy: Uh, he got shot?
JB: WHAT? DETAILS!
Soldier Boy, insouciant: He’s on leave, recuperating.
JB, naive: Oh cool, where’s the medical bay?
Soldier Boy: LOL he’s not in the medical bay, he’s off somewhere hooking up with an Indian girl.
JB and Captain Sideburns, annoyed at this not very helpful kid:
Disgruntled, they head off to dredge up Brother Beecham. Back at the house, Mom Beecham is still complaining: what is it about this country that makes my sons want to be here instead of coming home??
PTF Violet: I mean, a lot of people came here to get rich, so they’re not that weird. And look at this nice chapel JB made for ya!
Mom Beecham: But he made his fortune already!! He should marry you, and then bring the money and the baby home. There’s nothing keeping him here!
As if on cue, Ozzy wanders in to make use of the chapel like JB offered. Instead of just sneaking off, she decides to be polite (nerd) and says it’s nice to see everyone again.
Ozzy tries to get down to business, but both Mom Beecham and PTF Violet stare at her like weirdos.
Mom Beecham: So how well DO you know my son?
Ozzy: Oh we literally just met, but he told me I could pop over to use the chapel any time I wanted to pray.
Mom Beecham: And what do you know about baby August’s mom??
Ozzy: Literally nothing, we’re not friends like that.
MB: Yeah ok, whatever.
Ozzy: I mean you could just ask him? You’re weird.
Out in the courtyard, Baadal is dressed up to take Chanchal to the bazaar when Mool Chand and Bindu walk by.
Bindu: Oooh lookin’ cute kiddo! You’re awfully dolled up just to go to the bazaar.
Baadal: Yup, just doing some shopping, nothing to see here!
Mood Chand, forgetting that every time he talks sh*t about Chanchal she appears: Yeah, how long has Chanchal kept you waiting?
Chanchal: Hi, I’m here, and you’re SO nice to take me to the bazaar!
Baadal: Literally, it’s my pleasure.
Chanchal, never forgets her enemies: I’ve been dreaming of some gulab jamun; anything to undo the taste of the BORING FOOD I EAT HERE. At least the street food will be edible!
Mool Chand:
Baadal is helping Chanchal into the carriage when a separate, super fancy carriage appears.
Baadal: Uh, who the heck is that?
Chanchal: Don’t just stand there! This person is a fancypants guest of JB — go greet her!
Baadal, already running: Yup, on it!
Bindu, doesn’t miss a trick: That’s a LOT of trunks — maybe THIS is JB’s wife?
Ram Lal also runs up, looking stressed and on his fanciest behavior, which given his baseline of already very fancy behavior, tells us a lot. He yells at everyone to bow, just as a super beautiful and regal woman steps out of the carriage. Y’all, she’s not happy. She barely pays attention to the greeting from Ram Lal and Chanchal and starts walking towards the house, followed by several maids and an umbrella holder. Seems like someone should tell her JB isn’t home and the only Beecham in residence is his cranky racist mother, but I think they’re all too scared of Mystery Lady to say anything.
You know that thing about an unstoppable force and an immovable object? Get excited, it’s about to go down live, because Mom Beecham and PTF Violet have departed the chapel, Ozzy in their wake, to look for Baadal and some water, and are on a collision course with our new mystery date. Mystery Lady clocks Mom Beecham and makes eye contact, prompting Mom Beecham to pull out that weird wave you do when you think you maybe met someone before but you’re not sure and you’re too afraid to find out. Mystery Lady gives them a withering stare, asks Ram Lal to take her to Agastya, and swans out of there.
Mom Beecham: Who the heck is Agastya?
PTF Violet: Um, reading between the lines but that sounds an awful lot like August — do you think she’s the baby’s mom?
Mom Beecham, judgey and failing to notice the irony of this statement: Well she sure is acting like this is her house!
Oh yeah, Mystery Lady definitely knows that baby, who she correctly calls a beautiful boy. During this reunion, Ram Lal and Chanchal quietly freak out. Clearly there are a lot of secrets afoot, and keeping them is stressing them out! No wonder Chanchal wants street desserts! Mystery Lady starts to walk out with the wee bairn, and Ram Lal tries to put his foot down, because JB doesn’t let baby Agastya leave this room.
Mystery Lady: I know what’s best for him, and he’ll stay with me. Now move.
Ram Lal, defeated: Ok fine, we’ll get you a room.
Downstairs, the English ladies turn to the universal British soother: tea. Mom Beecham starts yelling for Barton, who if you remember, is not an actual character on the show, and seems surprised when Baadal doesn’t materialize. Instead, she gets Mystery Lady, who tells her to STFU, because she literally just put Agastya to bed.
Mom Beecham, still thinks irony really is rain on your wedding day: Young lady, why do you keep calling him a different name?
Mystery Lady, refusing to engage with this rando (good choice): Agastya is sleeping and needs to rest.
Mom Beecham: Let me speak to your manager! I’m JB’s mom, August’s grandmother, and I'm in charge of this house. This is Ozzy, a governess.
Ozzy:
Mom Beecham: And PTF Violet here is a family friend.
Mystery Lady: Ok, game recognize game, I concede your position in the house. Ozzy, this baby doesn’t need an English governess, so YOU can get to stepping. Bye!
That’s one hell of an exit, and it briefly leaves Mom Beecham speechless. PTF Violet, sensing an impending outburst, suggests that maybe Mom Beecham take some rest, because the heat is not messing around.
Mom Beecham, reverse Draco Malfoying: Yeah, neither is that mean woman — wait until my son hears about this! Ozzy, you’re extra clueless, what even is the point of you? Go home!
JB and Captain Sideburns roll up on what seems to be some kind of brothel, presumably to extract Brother Beecham. JB snapping “Daniel'' into every room is just about as welcome as you’d imagine, and the proprietress heads him off to try and get him to shut up. He just keeps yelling, so she can be forgiven for assuming he might be looking for male company. Speaking of which, we hear a distinctly English voice from the other room, which JB seems to recognize. He’s really no fun, and proves it by busting into the room and dispersing the crowd of ladies. Brother Beecham is… not amused, and shoves the apparent stranger who’s just kicked out all of the sex workers he’d been entertaining. He’s in for a real surprise when JB pulls a classic family reunion move.
JB:
Brother Beecham: What are you doing here? After all this time?
JB:
But real talk I wrote to you a bunch after ma told me you were in Calcutta and you NEVER WROTE BACK.
Brother Beecham: Yeah well I was in Mysore fighting in a bloody conflict; kind of hard to get the letters you sent to Calcutta. And it *would* have been nice to have you worry about me then, but now it’s too late. Now leave so I can resume my activities!
JB: Wait. I’m sorry.
Brother Beecham: Do you have any clue how hard it is to have your heroic big brother disappear?
JB: Forgive me? I had to get the hell out of the company, but now we have bigger problems than them, because MOM IS HERE.
Brother Beecham: LOL no way!
Apparently that revelation is ridiculous enough to pull Brother Beecham out of the brothel, because the next scene is him riding back to the house with JB and Captain Sideburns.
Nothing is ever actually that easy, though — this is a TV drama after all! Back at the French camp, Huge Fighting Guy (who we finally find out is named Vijay) and Castillon roll up at the Emperor’s palace to snitch on JB for being over in Kannauj where the Company is camped out.
Castillon: He’s there, and he’s talking to the forces, AND HE HAS A BROTHER who works for them still!
Emperor: Yet he told us he was completely separated from the Company.
Castillon: He sure did. And his friend Captain Sideburns is also here now; apparently he’s been discharged but that might be a trick. He’s a snake!
Oblivious to the impending disaster they’re riding toward, JB and Brother Beecham catch up.
JB: So does the company not have doctors anymore, or?
Brother Beecham: Well they’d rather spend money on guns and ammo than on doctors.
Me:
JB: What were you guys doing in Kannauj?
Brother Beecham: Oh, ya know, exploring — gotta expand if we’re gonna grow.
JB: Ew, you sound like a Company man.
Brother Beecham: I'm just a soldier.
JB: You’re a person first; own your actions.
Brother Beecham: I’m tired dude; I’ve seen the cemeteries for Company soldiers in Calcutta, and I’ve been here way longer than a lot of those folks. I’m on borrowed time, hence the sex workers.
JB: Dude, I also almost died too, but I used that to become cool. Maybe you should too.
Back at the house, everyone is in an uproar. Per Bindu, Mom Beecham went and changed everything to be more English, and now Mystery Lady has course-corrected in the opposite direction. Mool Chand is particularly mad, because Mystery Lady brought her own cook, and he’s got the knife to prove it. Frankly, I anticipate that he will win this fight, because Mystery Lady’s chef doesn’t say anything to defend himself. Chanchal joins the group to say that Mystery Lady needs a private chamber pot. You know who's not gonna help with that? Mool Chand.
In her room, Mom Beecham is playing around with a tiny glass bottle full of an unknown substance. Bet its drugs, because when PTF Violet walks in she flinches real hard before realizing who it is. YUP, it’s opium, and PTF Violet is understandably concerned about what Mom Beecham will do when she runs out. Mom Beecham isn’t willing to engage: she’s stressed, and mad that JB might have married Mystery Lady without telling his mother. Honestly she’s not looking so great; probably a good thing that PTF Violet is keeping an eye on her.
Down in the kitchen, Ram Lal joins Mool Chand for a drink.
Mool Chand, trying to make a friend: So, JB built a chapel, but he clearly worships the ladies, amiright?
Ram Lal: *pounds a drink*
Mool Chand: Level with me: who is Mystery Lady? Inquiring minds need to know!
Ram Lal: Don’t ask me that, that’s a guaranteed way to sober us up.
Out on the range (er, bro camping trip), Brother Beecham asks why JB suddenly gives a crap about his brother.
Brother Beecham: Pretending you care only insults us both. I’m going to bed.
Cap Sideburns, sarcastic: He’s fun.
JB: He’s the worst, he reminds me of our dad. Hopefully Brother Beecham doesn’t also end up in a convict colony in Australia.
Everyone goes to sleep, which is a mistake because someone is sneaking around their fire with a big knife. All three of the bros wake up at once, but it’s not super productive because the bandits have a sword at JB and Brother Beecham’s throats. For some reason, they forgot Captain Sideburns, who pulls out his gun and gets a shot off before things get too serious for JB. The bandits flee into the night, and JB and Brother Beecham, happy to be alive, throw Captain Sideburns a nice bro nod. I’m gonna level with you, this situation seems fishy. Watch your back, JB!
The next morning, the boys are back in town/at the house. Brother Beecham has some appropriate questions about how JB is paying for this fancy house based on his former profession. But before JB can explain his business model, Baadal runs out to inform everyone that Mom Beecham is mad as hell.
JB: Ugh, what now? Baadal, this is my brother, please get him cleaned up and get someone to look at his shoulder wound.
Baadal: Brother??
JB: Yeah, and he needs to be cleaned up before ma sees him.
They hustle off, and JB pulls Captain Sideburns aside to thank him for the whole lifesaving thing and to double down on their friendship. Again, it might just be me, but Captain Sideburns looks a little guilty. Perhaps I just don’t trust a be-sideburned man, but I have a feeling we have a betrayal in our future. JB tries to get a refreshing drink of water when he’s pounced upon by Mom Beecham, who tells him he’s never allowed to leave the house again, and also that Mystery Lady is rude as heck, and also who is she anyway? I can’t live like this!! Is she August’s mom???
JB: What in the living hell is going on?
Mom Beecham, full head of steam: She was also rude to Ozzy, who I previously did not like at all but now that it’s helping my case, is a nice kid.
PTF Violet, trying to help: JB, your ma’s been riding the struggle bus since you left.
Mom Beecham: She’s acting like a real princess, and like it’s HER HOUSE, and I’m stressed!
JB finally puts two and two together and RUNS upstairs, where Ram Lal explains that he can’t challenge Mystery Lady without JB to back him up. JB gets it, which implies that Mystery Lady is very powerful indeed. Speaking of powerful, she makes a powerful entrance that literally leaves everyone speechless. I’m sure JB was hoping for a private reunion, but Mom Beecham isn’t about to let that happen, so literally everyone else in this conversation also tags along. JB and Mystery Lady have an inscrutable eye conversation, followed by a small squabble over the whereabouts of baby August/Agastya. Finally, JB puts his foot down: they need to have a conversation without an audience. He sends PTF Violet to take his mom to her room, and says he’ll be there soon. Captain Sideburns weirdly tries to follow JB and Mystery Lady into her room but Ram Lal takes up a position outside the door and shoos him off with one look.
Thankfully, we’re not Captain Sideburns, so we get to see this convo in person. The first thing we learn is Mystery Lady’s name (Chandrika! Ram Lal and Chanchal have been calling her Bai-Sahib, which I’m pretty sure is an honorific, hence "Mystery Lady"), and that JB is not that happy to see her because if anyone finds out she’s in town it could “ruin everything.”
Chandrika: Uh, first of all, I was very careful to stay hidden, and second of all, I'm just doing my duty to make sure Agastya is safe.
JB: His safety is all I care about, hence the aggressive secrecy!
That hit home. Chandrika wants Agastya to stay with her, which is bumming JB out. He shuts that down, saying that the baby will stay in the nursery, where he’s being well cared for by Chanchal, Ram Lal, and Maya.
JB: We have to be careful and stick to the plan. There were intruders a few nights ago! And now that I’ve vaguely explained why I’m so nervous, how are you doing?
Chandrika: Not great! I’m not just here for Agastya, I wanted to see you too.
JB approaches Mom Beecham’s room, so she shuts her secret naughty drug box and prepares for an infodump.
PTF Violet, intercepting him: Mom Beecham is doing ok, but this is tough for her. But I’m doing great, and really like it here, I’m trying to make her get on board with your whole thing.
JB, completely missing her flirty sub-text: Great, thanks dude. Ma, are you ok, you look sick?
Mom Beecham: Can you blame me? I hate secrets like the ones your dad kept!
JB: I get that this is stressful…
Mom Beecham, cutting him off: Who is that woman? I can’t share a house with a stranger!
JB, totally not answering the question: She has August’s best interests at heart. Now come with me, I have something that I think will really cheer you up!
Mom Beecham: Ok, but just so you know I’m not sure I can handle another big surprise.
LOL guess what, it’s another big surprise, in the form of her baby boy! She’s exactly as excited as any mom would be to get to dote on a moderately injured kiddo. Brother Beecham is also pretty excited to see his mom (or good at faking it) and even MORE excited to see PTF Violet, because Plot Twist 2: Electric Friendaloo, they actually know each other!
PTF Violet: Oh hey! I came to keep your mom company, nice to know you’re still a bit of a human disaster.
Brother Beecham, ignoring the fact that he’s shirtless and in front of his mom: You know, I’d feel better if you gave me a kiss.
PTF Violet: LOL definitely not; guess you’re not a gentleman.
Brother Beecham, taking a dig at JB: Yeah, duh, we don’t need more boring people around.
Mom Beecham: I’m so glad to see you, really wish it wasn’t in India though. But we’re still a happy family; just me and my two hot badass sons and my poor grandson.
Brother Beecham, who somehow didn’t get this memo during the bro camping trip:
The episode’s almost over, so Brother Beecham goes directly to meet his nephew, and to make eyes at Chanchal in the process.
Brother Beecham: Hold up, if this is your son, did you get married without telling any of us?
Mom Beecham, consistently the worst: No one can know he’s made this mixed race baby!
JB: Ma, don’t be a racist. Daniel, get hype, I kind of named this baby after you.
Brother Beecam: Awwww!!!
Mom Beecham, determined to ruin this cute moment: JB, are you dating Ozzy? She’s putting on some major airs for a governess, and is really making herself at home in the house.
JB: Were you mean to her?
PTF Violet, lying through her teeth: No way!
Mom Beecham: Yeah, we were great, it was Chandrika who was really mean to her!
JB: Ok well, I’m sick of this conversation, and now I have to go check on Ozzy. Have fun catching up with Daniel.
Brother Beecham: So let me get this straight: you’ve got two ladies on the hook and a baby? Maybe you are the swashbuckler everyone assumed you were based on that promotional image after all!
JB: It’s not what you think.
Brother Beecham: Well, I guess this explains why you abandoned me.
Instead of talking that out, JB heads off, leaving Brother Beecham to continue making eyes at Chanchal. True to his word, JB goes directly to Murad Beg’s house to apologize to Ozzy. While he’s there, he catches up with Murad Beg about the challenge the Emperor set for him. JB admits that he’s struggling a bit; after all, what could a literal Empress actually want or need?
Murad Beg: You like art and craftsmanship; she likes the unusual, so find something that will please her imagination. Oh look, here are the insurrectionists!
He’s referring, of course, to his daughter and Ozzy, who are running through the halls and giggling. Or at least they are until JB says hi, and Ozzy gives him a well-deserved cold shoulder. He pulls her aside to lend her a book from the library. She thanks him and tries to leave, but he’s determined to half-heartedly apologize.
Ozzy: I sure had an unpleasant chat with a disrespectful guest at your house; she made it very clear that she thinks I’m trash. She’s also clearly taking over childcare duties. Is she August’s mom?
JB: Huh, well I supposed I will waffle for a bit, apologize for her behavior, and just… not answer your question!
Ozzy: Your mom was also horrible.
JB: She just doesn’t know you yet.
Ozzy: She doesn’t care, she just looks down on women who work.
JB, stepping in it: I bet you just misunderstood; she doesn’t mince words, but she isn't mean!
Ozzy takes him at his word, but doesn’t back down. Sure, she’s not rich or powerful, but she knows she’s got it going on, and that Mom Beecham was indeed trying to make her feel unwelcome. JB tries to counter that she’s always welcome at the house, but Ozzy, and good for her, isn’t feeling it; how can she trust him if he isn’t honest with her? JB is somehow surprised by this reasonable stance, and stands in the courtyard pouting long after she leaves.
Back at the house, Brother Beecham hangs out in the courtyard lounging and throwing rocks in the fountain, which for some reason catches Chanchal’s eye in a good way. They continue to silently flirt, but Brother Beecham isn’t about to not jump on an opportunity to get his flirt on up close.
Brother Beecham: Hi, you’re Chanchal right? Would you mind helping me up the stairs? I’m soooo injured and it’s very hard on my own.
Chanchal: Uh. Ok?
She helps him up the stairs and in return gets a thank you from Brother Beecham and a glare from the other nanny, Maya. Instead of sticking around to deal with that, Chanchal runs off, while Brother Beecham scampers down the stairs to follow her, revealing that he’s actually just fine AND has remarkably good game. He continues his winning streak in the kitchen, where he sneaks some of the food before Bindu can stop him, but is finally shut down when Mool Chand catches him staring at Chanchal while she gets fresh milk outside.
At breakfast, PTF Violet continues to be reasonably pleasant, Mom Beecham continues to be a domineering jerk, and Brother Beecham shows up and SHOWS UP, telling Mom Beecham to stop calling Baadal Barton, because it’s insulting and ridiculous. Mom Beecham isn’t prepared to receive that feedback, and doubles down, before changing the subject to ask how long Brother Beecham will stay at the house.
Brother Beecham: I’d love to stay as long as possible, but the decision is out of my hands; I'm tied to the Company still.
Mom Beecham: Well whatever, I wish you’d wear “proper clothing” — you look like a native.
Brother Beecham, fed up: This outfit is comfortable, and you should try it, you’d be much happier.
Mom Beecham, gesturing wildly at Bindu, who happens to be walking by: No thanks, I'd rather be miserable. The women here have no shame!
Brother Beecham, hasn’t yet learned that exoticism is bad: Well that’s what makes all the ladies here so sexy!
Baadal, internally: What the hell, my guy?
Mom Beecham, scandalized for a different reason: You’re with a lady, behave!
PTF Violet: Daniel’s always been honest, it’s fine.
Mom Beecham: It’s not honest, it’s inappropriate.
Brother Beecham: Well the truth is, there are so few British women around that a lot of people intermarry. It’s modern.
Mom Beecham: Well it’s wrong. You and your brother need to straighten up and marry some English girls immediately. Thankfully PTF Violet is here and ready to marry your brother.
Brother Beecham: LOL why would you want to do that, he’s so boring.
PTF Violet: Whatever, I’d be into it, if I were asked.
JB takes a break from the family drama to do the TV parent thing where they stare meaningfully at the baby.
JB: Kid’s got it pretty good; he’s not worried about anything!
Ram Lal: Yeah, and there’s just a ton of people focused on keeping him safe and healthy.
JB: You miss home?
Ram Lam: Yup, all the time.
JB: Do you think it’s wrong to try and let go of my past?
Ram Lal: Sometimes you have to.
JB: I can’t.
And guys, he really can’t, because he immediately has an INTENSE flashback with scenes of him with the still unknown lady from his sex dream last week, this time including a wedding!
JB heads back over to Murad Beg’s to talk to Ozzy. She’s pretty casually dressed, and apologizes even though she lives there and she looks great. JB apologizes; he really likes her and wants to have her around. He can’t talk about August's mom, because it would put the baby in danger, but JB is all August has in the world. And he really wants Ozzy to be a friend to the family.
Ozzy: You know, I've wanted to hear this from you since we met. But, uh, I can go home now. Why don’t you go back to England?
JB: Can’t. My life is here now.
Ozzy: You let your past affect your present too much. It’s bad.
JB: No, I’m gonna change... For you! Please don’t go!
Before she can respond, Rosh interrupts, because Ozzy has a job, and it’s listening to piano recitals etc. Thus summoned, she heads back to work, and JB heads home.
Later that night, JB has a meeting with Captain Sideburns, mostly to talk about how they need to get that license soon so JB can provide for the family.
Captain Sideburns: I’m not worried — I know there’s a huge market back home for the stuff we’ll sell once we get that license.
JB: Oh yeah and I have a pretty solid business plan: we’ll make special arrangements with the top artisans, they’ll keep the best stuff for us, and we’ll do great, I'm not worried about THAT. And, good news, I have a plan for the Empress.
Captain Sideburns: I'm listening.
JB: Well. DaVinci made a mechanical lion and gave it to the King of France. We’re gonna do the same and give her an automaton!
Captain Sideburns: A what now?
JB: Here, look at this book with a drawing of it or whatever, the people watching at home already know what a robot is so I’m not gonna explain it.
Across the house, Chandrika, Chanchal, and Maya are singing prayers to Agastya to help him sleep. Mom Beecham can’t handle that, so she bustles in and tries to power-play the situation and take the baby back to her room to hear some hymns. Chandrika isn’t about to give in easily, but neither is Mom Beecham, who pulls the grandmother card.
Back at the weird business meeting downstairs, JB continues to explain his birthday present plan.
JB: I know an Arab artist who knows how to make automata. We can have him make one in silver!
Captain Sideburns: Or gold — no cost to be spared for the Empress!
JB: Yesssss.
Baadal, interrupting: Uh, sorry to bug you but there’s a situation upstairs again.
JB heads out and hears an ongoing loud argument, with Chandrika telling Mom Beecham off for disturbing Agastya with her noise, and Mom Beecham complaining that Chandrika is taking over the house. JB walks in just as Mom Beecham calls Chandrika a rude liar.
JB, weirdly oblivious: What’s going on???
Brother Beecham, in the background for some reason, at Chanchal: Hey girl.
Mom Beecham: I can’t be in this house with someone rude. Tell me the truth, who is this woman?????
JB, after a pause so long I half expected it to be the end of the episode: Chandrika is August’s Aunt. NO ONE CAN KNOW SHE’S HERE. I’m a widower, and I know that August’s mom would have wanted her sister to help raise him.
Mom Beecham: For some reason I want to argue with you about this!
JB: No ma, back off. I’m gonna snuggle this baby now, and tell you that everyone I love is in this room. So we’re all gonna stay here, TOGETHER, and play like a team, because we have no alternative!
Was JB telling the truth? Who could possibly want to harm Baby August/Agastya, and why? Will Mom Beecham stop being such a racist stick in the mud? We’ll just have to keep watching next week to find out!
