Before you give up on your New Year's resolutions, check out these tips to reset

MARY LOUISE KELLY, HOST:

Today is January 13. Dare I ask how your New Year’s resolutions are going? Please tell me I’m not alone once again in setting big, ambitious goals for the new year only to slip up by the time that mid-January rolls around. Well, before we throw in the collective towel, how about a restart? NPR’s Life Kit host, Marielle Segarra, is here with tips. Hey, there.

MARIELLE SEGARRA, BYLINE: Hey.

KELLY: Hi. So let’s just say hypothetically - asking for a friend - you had this, like, big goal for New Years, and you have already stopped pursuing it. How do we get back on track?

SEGARRA: Yeah, honestly, I’m surprised that anyone gets anything done in the first two weeks of January right after the holidays, right? It’s exhausting.

KELLY: Yeah.

SEGARRA: And your wallet is exhausted, too. So first of all, cut yourself a break.

KELLY: Amen.

SEGARRA: And, yeah, along those lines, what often happens, the reason we stop going with a goal is because we’re too rigid with ourselves. We talked to Katy Milkman. She’s a professor at the Wharton School of Business, and she’s researched what she calls the what the hell effect. So basically, you say you’re going to go to the gym five times a week. You go a couple of days, and then you miss one. And then you miss another one and you say, what the hell, I’ve already failed. She says it’s better to build in some flexibility and give yourself something called a free pass.

KATY MILKMAN: If you have a late night at work, you can take a mulligan and it’s OK. You don’t want to give yourself five free passes, but maybe two.

SEGARRA: Yeah, and if you miss a whole bunch of days or you just haven’t gotten started on your goals at all, you can always just start over.

KELLY: Yes. Put me in camp have not gotten going on my goals at all. But what you’re saying, this is actually useful. This is a tip in and of itself. It’s not too late. There is still time.

SEGARRA: Yeah, because of the power of the fresh start, really. That’s what New Years is all about. I mean, it’s not a magical day, but it’s a day that we’ve all decided is the beginning of the year - or somebody long time before me decided that. But it’s the beginning of the year. It’s when we make our goals. And Katy Milkman has researched this, too. The start of a new month, a new week can give us motivation to begin again on something like savings, for instance, or working out. The beautiful thing, I think, is that we get those every month, every week, every time the sun rises. Just pick one and get going.

KELLY: Might one possibly helpful way to look at this be maybe it’s not all us? Maybe it’s not our lives, our problems that are standing in the way of success. It is maybe the goal itself that is the problem.

SEGARRA: Yeah, sometimes there are a lot of things that can stop us from getting started. One is that your goal is just too big. I remember when I interviewed Oliver Burkeman. He wrote a book called “Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management For Mortals.” And he said, like, OK, what’s a goal you have? I wanted to retile my kitchen floor. And he was, like, that is just too big to put on a to-do list. You’re never going to be able to get that checked off. You have to break it down into smaller tasks. Go to the tile store, pick out the tile, measure the kitchen, get an estimate. Those are all things that you can do. So if you do have a big goal, like be healthier or, you know, save more money, you should break that down into your weekly thing. What am I saving money on? And also keep in mind what you’re saving money for 'cause, like, the values underneath your goals matter, too.

KELLY: What about the idea that we don’t have to go it alone on keeping resolutions? I know you’ve been reporting on Life Kit about using accountability buddies. What’s that?

SEGARRA: Yeah, the buddy system, right? It’s tried and true. A lot of people have used it for years to go running, for instance, or lift weights. They say, hey, meet me at 6 a.m. I’m not one of these people...

KELLY: (Laughter).

SEGARRA: And we’ll go running together. And you know that you’re going to show up because the other person is counting on you. You can use that to your advantage, right? Often, we are more interested in pleasing other people than in pleasing ourselves, so this is a way to harness that and help each other. You don’t have to do the same workout. You could meet for coffee after you each do your own thing. It doesn’t have to be about working out. You can write a chapter of your book or, you know, a page of your book, whatever, and then your friend is applying to jobs. You can check in with each other once a week and say, what have you done towards your goal this week? What have you done? Give each other a pat on the back. It’s just the community aspect of it that...

KELLY: Yeah.

SEGARRA: ... And the accountability aspect of it that makes it work.

KELLY: Marielle, you want to meet me for run tomorrow, 6 a.m.?

SEGARRA: Yeah, no.

KELLY: (Laughter).

SEGARRA: 6 p.m. maybe.

KELLY: It was worth a shot. That is our Life Kit host Marielle Segarra. Thank you.

SEGARRA: Thanks.

KELLY: And Life Kit has more ideas to help you stick to your goals in 2025. You can find them at npr.org/lifekit. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.