Memory cafés serve up joy to people living with dementia

Eighty-year old Jim Packer struggles with his memory and says even simple conversations can be challenging.

“It’s like, I don’t know what’s going on with the person I’m talking to. I don’t remember anything,” Packer said. “Physically I’m in great shape and memory? I got no memory.”

But that doesn’t matter at a memory café, the informal gathering spaces for people living with dementia or other cognitive challenges. The cafes are increasingly popular — there are about 20 in the Boston area alone — because they offer memory-challenged adults at risk of slipping into isolation from friends and family a place for coffee and companionship.

Packer visited a café on a recent morning at a Jamaica Plain branch of the Boston Public Library. And when asked why he likes to attend, Packer got a helpful reminder from his wife, Martha, who joined him.

“You called it ‘your people,’” she told him.

He agreed. “These are my people. We get out there and we understand each other.”

The first memory café met in the Netherlands in the 1990s at an actual café, before the idea spread to the U.S., thanks to grassroots efforts. They’re now increasingly routine in churches, senior centers, museums and libraries, offering up all sorts of activities from astrologer visits and dance workshops to crafting projects and sports discussions.

“A memory café is a place people can leave the disease at the door and just be together,” said Beth Soltzberg, who has led a memory cafe at Jewish Family & Children’s Service for more than 10 years.

The first memory café came to the U.S. in 2008, and to Massachusetts in 2011, according to Soltzberg, who estimates that there are around 600 across the country She’d like to see 10 times that, especially as the U.S. population ages and more people are likely to experience Alzheimer’s disease or struggle with other diminishing memory conditions.

“People get progressively isolated,” she said of the effects of Alzheimer’s. “We hear it again and again. People’s friends just fall away. They don’t know how to stay connected”

Art, music and dancing

On a recent Friday morning memory café at Jewish Family & Children’s Service in Waltham, about 20 people drank coffee, played trivia, and answered questions about Diwali and Hanukkah prayers and shared photos of the Northern Lights.

Bright yellow and green tablecloths and cheerful coffee mugs adorned each table at the nonprofit facility. Holiday piano music played softly in the background as people entered.

The group included a man who started attending a while back with his wife, who has since passed away. He read an original poem to the group. Participants sang “Here Comes the Sun” by the Beatles and discussed their family holiday traditions. A student volunteer from Brandeis University joined in.

The atmosphere was intentionally warm, comforting and low key. No one asked anyone else about their diagnosis or health concerns.

Many memory cafés, like this one, meet monthly for two hours for free. Some incorporate art and music programs. It can be “magical,” Soltzberg said.

The “arts tend to tap into our emotions, which is a good place to connect even when some of the ways people used to communicate might not be working so well anymore. There are no wrong answers,” Soltzberg said.

At the Jamaica Plain memory café, participants were led in an “exercise dance party” known as Ageless Grace, which is thought to stimulate the brain and encourage creativity and imagination.

Seated participants moved their arms in different shapes and patterns, imagined playing musical instruments, pretended they were swimming in a deep cold ocean and stomped their feet to Celtic and jazz music.

Mistakes were fine — in fact, encouraged. “Play and moving our bodies and doing new things is how the brain stays young,” instructor Maria Skinner told the group.

Judy Seaman came with a friend and caregiver.

“It’s important to remember that even though we may be forgetful, [or] may not be … what we used to be, we’re still alive,” she said. “And things are coming at us. We can do things.”

For caregivers, too

Many people come to memory cafés with a friend or family member.

And they benefit too, said Corinne White, the “dementia-friendly coordinator” for Boston’s Age Strong Commission. That’s because the cafés give caregivers a respite from daily chores or a chance to experience joy with a loved one.

“The [other] main thing that a care partner would get out of a memory café is seeing what is still left of that person’s abilities and of that person’s personality,” White said. “The care partner can see their loved one in that positive light rather than the light of loss and what’s gone already. “

White led a conversation-starter at the Jamaica Plain café by asking the group to share stories about someone in their life who brings them joy. Some people talked about their grandchildren; one person named the famed cellist Yo-Yo Ma.

Café patron Rich Carroll said talking to his brother brings him joy.

“He seems to always have a knack for visiting or calling when things are difficult. We reminisce about the way things were growing up,” he said, appreciating the chance to recollect.

He said he wants to share the cafe experience with his family, especially his brother. And he looks forward to that.

“He’s gonna visit one of these memory cafés with me soon,” he said.