Modern motherhood comes with many joys — and many challenges, including to one’s mental health.
About one in five pregnant and postpartum women met diagnostic criteria for one or more type of anxiety disorder, a 2019 meta-analysis of studies about mental health and motherhood found. Depression, substance use disorders and other mental health conditions can show up, too.
“The role of being a mother has expanded so much, so since the pandemic that we’re just seeing an increase in these symptoms in a lot of people. A lot of depressive symptoms and anxiety,” said Tracey Taldon, founder and owner of the Randolph-based therapy practice Wellness for Our Future. “Obviously, there are families who have different dynamics — but a majority of the families that we see are still struggling with the dynamics around the gender role of being a mother.”
Not every family dynamic falls into the stereotypical gender roles that leave mothers doing more of the work, Taldon said. But for those who do, managing households and caregiving on top of jobs and other responsibilities can lead to burnout, depression, anxiety and more.
“Within the household, it’s really hard for moms to actually carve out time to be a person,” Taldon said. “That term, ‘mom guilt’ comes from every single thing that you think of that doesn’t surround your kids. ... There’s this extreme amount of pressure.”
It's a complex problem that requires some systemic solutions, Taldon said, acknowledging that help can be hard to come by in overburdened medical and mental health settings.
But one thing that can help, she said, is community.
“Wherever you can find it,” she said, suggesting seeking out mom groups in wellness centers, gyms, workplaces, places of faith and more. “You need to be nurtured as a person so that you can actually show up to your various roles the way you’d ideally want to be. The job and the role is so isolating.”
Partners can be helpful too, she said, though some don’t quite see or acknowledge all the work that goes into caregiving.
“Sometimes partners who aren't in the actual role, they can see certain things and understand things run smoothly, not understanding the ins and outs of that and the impact that it makes on one's mental health, and therefore can't really support you in that way,” Taldon said.
With Mother’s Day approaching on May 12, she said, it’s also important to remember mothers who have lost children to violence, illness, pregnancy loss, or other causes.
“Oftentimes we get really nervous around supporting someone where we know we can’t solve an issue,” she said. “Support doesn't mean you solve a problem. Support just means that you showed that you care. You want to just continue to make sure that they're doing OK, if they need anything.”
She left us with an affirmation: “I deserve support and help and love — mentally, spiritually, emotionally and physically.”
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