Every family has certain talks — whether it’s about the birds and the bees or what to do about a school bully. Families of color also have conversations about how life isn’t always fair when it comes to interactions with police.
"We would always say that to them — you’re a young black man in America," said Dorchester resident Virginia Ward. "Make sure you’re living a certain way."
Ward still says that to her two black sons.
“You’re a black man in America — you can’t do that," she said. "Other people may be able to do that, but you can’t because of the way it’s going to be perceived. You could be the angry black man, or you become the violent black man just because you’re expressing passion.”
Recent events in Baltimore, Ferguson, and on Staten Island have prompted dinner table discussions around the country about everything from race issues to the role of law enforcement in our society. For most families of color, those talks are nothing new. But African-American parents in particular are revisiting those crucial discussions in an attempt to understand how the relatively new ability to pull out a smartphone and record instantly figures in.
Ward’s younger son, 24-year-old Mark Ward, plays drums in a band called Biscuits and Gravy. He remembers his parents teaching him not to look like a suspect.
"They tell us, 'Don’t fit the description,'" Mark said.
"Remember we had that conversation about do-rags on your head?" asked Mark’s dad, Lawrence Ward. “It puts you in a certain category. So I would constantly tell them, 'Do not wear do-rags outside.'"
The Wards are both pastors at the historic Abundant Life Church in Cambridge. They taught their sons that even if you’re stopped by police unfairly, you should be calm and respectful to officers. If something goes wrong, it can be handled through the proper channels later — in the courts or by voting. Their older son, Paul, was initially skeptical.
"Because it’s like, 'My parents, they think they know it all,' you know," Paul said. "But then going outside and seeing some things first hand, I certainly understood it was for my own good.”
Paul’s now a 26-year-old accountant. He was arrested once, back in 2010, but not convicted. Mark’s never been arrested, but he’s so used to being stopped by police that he has a routine.
"Take out my keys, take out the ignition, put it on the dash, put my hands on the wheel, roll down all my windows, and I’m chilling," Mark said. "And I ask him, sir, can I go in my pocket? Is that OK? Can I get my license for you? Is that OK? I’m going to reach in my pocket now. I back up and I do it slowly.”
Now that it’s possible, Lawrence Ward would prefer his sons add a step to that routine — get out the smartphone and record.
"I know I would," Lawrence said. "And I would also tell the officer, I am recording this exchange."
Thanks to smartphones, captured scenes of brutality are now commonplace on the national news — and the nation is confronting and acknowledging issues black families have been discussing for years. But it still isn’t clear if black parents should encourage their children to film their own encounters with police.
"Parents are preparing their youth for a world that they didn’t experience,” said Harvard professor of education Nancy Hill. She says there’s little information for parents to go on.
"I do wonder in these interactions particularly if they become heated that, you know, pulling out a phone and saying, 'I’m going to videotape this' — is that going to cause more harm or less harm?" Hill said. "It’s hard to know how to advise youth."
Parents themselves are going through a learning process, like Hyde Park attorney Shelbey Wright, who works with law enforcement. Wright has two black sons, one 13 and the other 18.
"Last week in Boston there was a guy, he was in his 60s and he was videotaping something and the police officer got very aggressive and up in his face and that could’ve turned out differently,” Wright said.
As it turned out, no one was hurt. The incident made the news, the officer apologized, and the Boston Police Department reminded all its officers that citizens have a right to tape them. Still, Wright says, "I would never tell my son, 'Get all up in it and video it,' because I don’t think that situation would’ve been as calm with an 18-year-old as it is with a 60-year-old.”
But officers want to have good relationships with youth, says Boston Police spokesman Lt. Mike McCarthy. And he says it would help if parents encouraged their children to think that way.
“We like kids to approach us and shake our hands and say hello," he McCarthy said. "It’s all about relationships. So I think it’s important that it’s not just about us reaching out to them, it’s about them reaching out to us.”
As long as people are respectful and not in harm’s way, McCarthy says officers are going to be okay with taping. Regardless, Mark Ward says he would still prioritize survival over getting smartphone video.
"If I see something and I’m at a safe distance, yes," he said. "But I’m not going to put myself in a situation to be attacked by law enforcement.”
That’s the same decision his brother Paul would make. Because, unlike his parents, Paul doesn’t think smartphone video evidence of police misconduct will bring about societal or systemic change. People are still dying, he says — it’s just being filmed.
"I’m just not that optimistic, I’m sorry," Paul said. "I’m really not. People thought when Trayvon Martin died we would do something about it, when Eric Garner died we would do something about it.”
Smartphone video doesn’t always keep young black men safe, Paul says. Hopefully, following their parents’ advice to avoid police encounters in the first place, does.
