The holidays are often portrayed as a time of togetherness, joy and family unity — at least, on the Hallmark Channel. But the season can also bring a stark reminder of estranged relationships.

Research suggests that family estrangement is more common than we might think, with some studies estimating that about 50% of people experience periods of disconnection from close relatives. The reasons vary widely — from unresolved trauma to political differences — but the pain it causes can feel especially acute during a time of year so focused on family bonds.

Dr. Gene Beresin, executive director of the Clay Center for Healthy Minds at Mass General and professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, joined GBH’s All Things Considered host Arun Rath to share ways to navigate the topic of family estrangement — why it happens, why it can be so challenging and, most importantly, how to cope. What follows is a lightly edited transcript.

Arun Rath: Let’s start with the “why.” Help us understand why family estrangement is becoming increasingly common. Is it as simple as just politics? Or is it deeper than that?

Dr. Gene Beresin: No, I think it’s a change in the ethos of, largely, the Gen Z population and, to some extent, the millennials.

I think there’s been increased attention to abuse; more attention to trauma; more awareness of adverse childhood experiences such as domestic violence, abuse and neglect, family substance misuse, incarceration, racism and poverty; and a greater awareness and willingness to look at and talk about mental health problems.

And certainly, a greater awareness of family dynamics and the conflicts that one is experiencing within families — shifting family structures, the high divorce rates, blended families that might be conflictual. And the influence, I think, of social media, which has actually provided forums for young people who are estranged to seek haven elsewhere besides [their] families. Plus, the geographic mobility of the younger generation.

I do think it’s a generational thing, and I think that the older notions that “blood is thicker than water” and “family first,” are really not the current ethos. It’s kind of like how one wouldn’t object to a young adult breaking up with a romantic partner. Breaking away from family was considered to be anathema. Nowadays, I think it’s being looked upon by many as, “Well, it’s OK for me to break up with a toxic relationship. Why not break away from family?”

Nonetheless, it still causes a huge amount of shame, blame and distress that folks just have to deal with.

Rath: It’s fascinating hearing you talk about [family estrangement] as a generational problem. I feel like I’ve read recently — it might even have been something that you had written or linked to — that Gen Z is more likely to become estranged from their parents than previous generations.

Beresin: Yes. Well, Gen Z and millennials. But I do think we’re seeing it more and more now. That being said, it hasn’t really been studied as much as we need it to be studied. There’s really insignificant research, although there have been a number of studies. But it’s becoming more acceptable.

I think the other thing that I mentioned [is the role of] social media. Those who have decided on no-contact or limited contact have the ability to form groups, talk with each other, rant to, get support and get help in ways that they’ve never been able to do before.

Rath: We should stipulate that if there’s an abuse situation, it would make sense for someone to want to be estranged from abusive family members. But if you’re replacing those kinds of bonds with an online community, are there also things that are lacking? Are there dangers in that?

Beresin: Well, there are dangers everywhere when it comes to relationships. But if somebody has a good awareness of their social situation and their emotional state and has the ability to take stock of themselves and who they are in intimate contact with, it can generate a positive perspective and an awareness of one’s situation.

Nonetheless, there’s the opportunity for repeating history. Some people who’ve had abusive relationships in their family repeat the same kind of abusive relationships throughout their lives. So it really depends on the individual and their ability to have perspective and take action when they need to.

Rath: For someone who is estranged from their family, what are some practical ways to make sure that their needs are met and that they don’t repeat the same patterns?

Beresin: That’s a great question. I think there are a number of things that depend on each individual situation, so these aren’t going to be true for everybody. But let me list a number of them that I say to patients:

  • Take stock of your situation. If your family’s holiday events are dangerous, you’ve got to protect yourself and stay away.
  • Focus on yourself. Seek friends and those who love you. If you can’t go home for whatever reason, make sure that you have support.
  • If you venture home and there is conflict, be aware of not igniting flames. If you want to heal a wounded relationship — which many people who are estranged do — the holidays are not the right time to do it.
  • Make your own holiday. People have their favorite holiday movies, and they long for connection and meaning. But everybody needs to have some kind of celebratory experience during the holidays and make it your own.
  • Take care of yourself. That means getting good exercise, good nutrition, restful sleep and finding ways of managing stress, including meditation or yoga. Using the creative arts is a fantastic way of self-care. But we all need to take care of ourselves, whether estranged or not.
  • Make a contribution. Making a contribution and giving to others releases the neurochemical oxytocin, which is the chemical in the brain that binds us together. It’s released when we’re snuggling with our pets, when we’re feeling in love, when we’re feeling connected with others. Giving releases oxytocin far better than receiving, so giving to the community — giving to other people in need by cooking, helping others in need, sending gifts — is really super important, I think, especially during the holiday times.