Paris Alston: This is GBH's Morning Edition. Valentine's Day is right around the corner, but a celebration of love can be hard when you're feeling lonely, you know, kind of like this.

Ari Lennox: I just started thinking about life. Like, I'm lonely. and it's just like... all the furniture you get does not keep you warm at night, is not going to teach you how to....

Alston: If you've heard the end of singer Ari Lennox's song "New Apartment," you know what I mean. But in all seriousness, loneliness has become an epidemic. In fact, the U.S. Surgeon General issued an advisory last year calling attention to the public health crisis of loneliness, isolation and lack of connection, something made worse by the pandemic. As part of our new series Wake Up Well, we are taking time each month to speak with people in the mental health space about topics like this one. And joining us now to do that is Celeste Viciere, better known as Celeste The Therapist, who's a mental health professional and host a podcast with the same name. Celeste. Thanks so much for being here.

Celeste Viciere: Hi. Thank you so much for having me.

Alston: And just to note to our listeners that this conversation is not a substitute for treatment, but meant to be a jumping off point. So, Celeste, sometimes the other name we hear for Valentine's Day is Single Awareness Day. Why is that? I mean, what emotions can come up there?

Viciere: Well, when there's a day dedicated to love and couples, it's easy for people that are not experiencing that to feel the single-ness even more. And you know, when I work with people and they are struggling with that day, I remind them on February 10th they were fine. And a lot of emotions that come up is being left out feeling lonely, frustrated by their circumstances because of how much that day is highlighted in America.

Alston: And of course, we know that there are all kinds of love, right? Self-love, friendship love, family love, etc. but what is it about the absence of romantic love that can be especially hard to deal with?

Viciere: A lot of times when we think about the American dream or life, they talk about relationships. It's on TV, it's in the movies. We grow up thinking that, you know, we're going to be in our 20s having a relationship and live happily ever after. So a lot of people's mindset around what life should look like is unfortunately based off of what society has deemed as success.

Alston: So I mentioned that idea of self-love. What are some ways to embrace that, especially if you're already sort of down about feeling lonely?

Viciere: I love that question. Even if you are in a relationship, this is a really important thing to think about. When I talk to people about love and showing up for themselves, I talk about being kind of disciplined in what they choose to do, and sometimes it's saying no to people. Sometimes it's just sitting down and relaxing. It could be doing the things that you said you were going to do for yourself at the top of the year, at the top of the month.

Alston: And if someone is experiencing loneliness and some heaviness around that, what are the signs that are going to show them that that's present and how can they seek help, if so?

Viciere: Obviously I think therapy is a great way. But I also understand it's not always accessible for people. If you are not sure if this is something that you're struggling with, you know, sometimes social media is unfortunately a big trigger for people. Everybody is showing their highlight reels. If you find yourself feeling frustrated after seeing certain things or feeling sad when you're around other couples, or if you're seeing, you know, right now there is a lot of advertisement for Valentine's Day, I always tell people, get off of the phone and engage in something that brings you joy.

Alston: Now, before we go, we are asking everyone who joins us for this series to leave us with an affirmation related to the topic that we've discussed. What's yours?

Viciere: You have more power than you think. You just have to have faith to believe in yourself. And if it sounds boring or something that you don't think that you can make happen, you know, faith and fear, they exhibit the same kind of emotions, and they're both unknown. But in faith that things are going to work out and you're going to find yourself being content in the here and now, even if you're not coupled up, you can start that process literally today.

Alston: Well, that is Celeste Viciere, better known as Celeste the Therapist, joining us for the latest in our mental health series, Wake Up Well, Celeste, thank you so much.

Viciere: Thank you for having me.

Alston: And you can find a list of mental health resources at GBH news.org/wakeupwell. Next month we'll be talking money matters and financial health. And if you'd like to chime in on that topic, you can text us at (617) 300-2008 or email thewakeup@gbhnews.org. You're listening to GBH News.

Valentine's Day is right around the corner, but a celebration of love can be hard when you're feeling lonely — kind of like singer Ari Lennox expresses at the end of her 2019 song, “New Apartment.”

“I just started thinking about life. Like, I'm lonely,” she says. “All the furniture you get does not keep you warm at night.”

Loneliness has become an epidemic. In fact, the U.S. Surgeon General issued an advisory last year calling attention to the public health crisis of loneliness, isolation and lack of connection, all made worse by the pandemic.

A woman in a gray sweater.
Celeste Viciere
Courtesy

It’s something Celeste Viciere hears from people she works with. Viciere is a mental health professional and hosts a podcast also called Celeste The Therapist.

“When there's a day dedicated to love and couples, it's easy for people that are not experiencing that to feel the single-ness even more,” she said.

Of course, we know that there are all kinds of love: Self-love, friendship love, family love and so on. But romantic love tends to have greater societal emphasis placed on it, which can lead to people feeling pressure.

“It's on TV, it's in the movies. We grow up thinking that, you know, we're going to be in our 20s having a relationship and live happily ever after,” Viciere said. “So a lot of people's mindset around what life should look like is unfortunately based off of what society has deemed as success.”

When she works with people who say they feel acutely lonely around Feb. 14, she said, she tries to take a pragmatic approach.

“I remind them on February 10th they were fine. And a lot of emotions that come up is being left out, feeling lonely, frustrated by their circumstances because of how much that day is highlighted in America,” she said. “When I talk to people about love and showing up for themselves, I talk about being kind of disciplined in what they choose to do.”

That self-love can be saying no to people, or taking time to relax, or prioritizing time to keep the promises people make to themselves.

People who feel their loneliness is impacting their lives can seek outside help, too, she said.

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“Obviously I think therapy is a great way. But I also understand it's not always accessible for people,” she said. “Sometimes social media is unfortunately a big trigger for people. Everybody is showing their highlight reels. If you find yourself feeling frustrated after seeing certain things or feeling sad when you're around other couples, or if you're seeing, you know, right now there is a lot of advertisement for Valentine's Day, I always tell people, get off of the phone and engage in something that brings you joy.”

Viciere left us with an affirmation: “You have more power than you think.”

“You just have to have faith to believe in yourself,” she said. “Faith and fear, they exhibit the same kind of emotions, and they're both unknown. But have faith that things are going to work out and you're going to find yourself being content in the here and now, even if you're not coupled up, you can start that process literally today.”