The late, great Ruth Bader Ginsberg often spoke of wise advice she got from her mother-in-law. She told Ginsberg on the day of her wedding, “It helps to be a little bit deaf.” Too bad Democratic Vice Presidential Nominee Kamala Harris couldn’t temporarily follow that advice last week in Utah, during the vice presidential debate. Too bad she was forced to listen to the I-will-keep-talking Vice President Mike Pence.
And too bad that her experience was oh so familiar to millions of American women who’ve had to endure the arrogance best known as mansplaining — the talking over, the lecturing, the overbearing dismissiveness.
It’s patently unfair that when men mansplain, it often falls to women to let it go or craft a careful but pointed response. I felt so badly watching Harris trying to answer tough questions about policy and manage her facial expressions and body language. She knew that as a woman, and a Black woman specifically, she could not afford to show any hint of the righteous anger she should have been able to exhibit without fear of being labeled the stereotypical angry black woman.
So, she kept smiling when I know she must have wanted to scream. I know I did. And she modulated her tone, so she’d come across as just mildly annoyed instead of shrewish.
It was frustrating for a lot of female debate watchers. In a running conversation on social media, one poster noted, “I know she’s trying to remain calm and not be angry, or any of the other words thrown at women, but come on.” On the other hand, so many of the online male debate watchers saw something else in her calm and confident manner, asking among other things, “Who would want to be married to her?”
But if some men saw Pence as strong and polished, a lot of women reveled in Harris’ measured clapback. Her firm, “Mr. Vice President, I’m speaking.” effectively shut down his 16 interruptions — the news and opinion site Vox counted. The phrase became an instant meme, and the independent vendors of Etsy quickly offered multiple versions of T-shirts with the phrase “I’m speaking” — one signed The Women of America.
There were two women on the debate stage. Moderator Susan Page also had to deal with the vice president’s talking over her reminder, “Mr. Vice President, your time is up.” Someone estimated that she said “Thank you, Vice President Pence” about 100 times during the debate in a futile attempt to get him to adhere to the agreed-upon time allotted for questions. Instead, he patronized her, not only ignoring her pleas to stop talking, but telling her he was not going to move on to the next topic as she asked, insisting, “Thank you, but I would like to go back.”
There’s been heavy criticism of Page for not standing up to Pence. But she, like Harris, knew full well that she could not be as assertive as presidential debate moderator Chris Wallace, whose performance was deemed disastrous by the audience and his journalism colleagues.
I wish Harris could have brought the full range of her formidable prosecutorial skills to that 90 minutes. Even in 2020, sexism and misogyny remain rooted in American norms. Most analysts say the vice presidential debate didn’t really move the needle on voter support one way or the other. But they also note that Pence’s version of a political pat on Harris’ head may have helped expedite the number of women documented to be moving away from the Trump/Pence ticket.
Meanwhile, I’m also impressed that some young women watching the debate recognized the mansplaining behavior for what it was, and admired Harris’ ability to stand strong. Teen Vogue commenter Denisce posted simply, “Girl Boss!!!” Couldn’t have said it better myself.
