The key to happiness is not sitting around and waiting for it, according to Arthur Brooks, a professor and happiness correspondent for The Atlantic. He said there are tangible steps you can take to improve your personal satisfaction.
Brooks joined Boston Public Radio to share tips on how to find happiness in an increasingly unhappy world. Here is his advice.
Stop worrying about what others think
Being afraid of how others perceive us is a remnant of human evolution, Brooks believes. “A few tens of thousands of years ago, if you actually made a bad impression on the people around, you might find yourself alone, wandering the frozen tundra, about to become the lunch of some beast or to die of starvation,” he said. “You needed people to think well of you under the circumstances. Well, that's maladapted to modern circumstances.”
While simply ceasing to care about what others think may seem easier said than done, Brooks offered two suggestions for working toward letting go. First, try moving your negative thoughts to a part of your brain where you can observe and manage them.
Or try exposure therapy. “If you're worried about people judging you, just do it, just rip the band aid off,” he said. He gave the example of teaching an entire class without knowing the fly of his pants was down. “The rest of the rest of the semester was great. I was free.”
Stop judging other people
“The moment that you're walking around judging other people, you're basically saying ‘judgment is OK,’” Brooks explained.
Brooks believes a culture of judgment is on the rise, especially among young people. “Cynicism is a complete culture of judgment, and in so doing, it's opening people up to this incredible amount of insecurity that comes because you're judging outward. … That's two-way.”
He suggests redirecting feelings of judgement into feelings of observation. “Don't say, ‘This weather sucks.’ Say, ‘It happens to be cold and rainy today,’” he said. “You will feel your blood pressure lower and you'll feel more at peace.”
Give charitably, and give anonymously
“Charitable giving is one of the great secrets to happiness,” Brooks said. “Some people give because they want recognition, or they want thanks, or they want their name on the side of a building. But most people, they actually get enormous amounts of life satisfaction and a sense of peace when they are an agent of good.”
Brooks said part of the satisfaction with giving comes from the way it offsets feelings of victimhood — which, like judgment, is on the rise in American society. “This kind of culture of grievance that we've got right now, where our politicians, the one thing they all have in common is they're trying to fire everybody up by saying 'You're a victim,'” Brooks said. “One of the biggest reasons I believe that American happiness has been in decline for a long time is because we have this culture of victimhood.”
He thinks giving is the solution. “The best way that you can wipe out your own sense of victimhood is by being the solution to other people's problems, and the most efficacious way you can possibly do that is by giving of yourself freely.”
Brooks says anonymous giving provides the highest satisfaction, along with giving by providing others with opportunities. And extrinsically motivated giving — such as donations motivated by tax deductions — tend to produce less satisfaction than charity with intrinsic motivations based purely on self-motivated love and empowerment.
Brooks’ biggest takeaway is that happiness is something that is continuously worked on, not automatically granted.
“Mother Nature does not care if you're happy.” he said. “Happiness is up to us.”
Arthur Brooks is the William Henry Bloomberg professor of the practice of public leadership at the Harvard Kennedy School, a professor of management practice at the Harvard Business School, the happiness correspondent at The Atlantic and host of the podcast series How to Build a Happy Life.
