Thanksgiving is still days away, but a lot of people are already celebrating a different holiday: Friendsgiving, the gathering of friends ahead of the traditional holiday. It has grown exponentially in popularity over the last decade. GBH arts and culture reporter James Bennett II joined Morning Edition hosts Paris Alston and Jeremy Siegel to talk about the magic of Friendsgiving gatherings. This transcript has been lightly edited.
Paris Alston: Friendsgiving is typically the gathering for a meal of our chosen family, right? Our friends, our close friends, people we love who we're not necessarily related to. But what about it is different from Thanksgiving proper?
James Bennett II: You get to act up.
Alston: Uh-oh!
Bennett: No, seriously. Sometimes I think you can honestly believe yourself when you say that you give who you are in front of your family, in front of your friends, in front of your colleagues. But there is this sense of having all of your, like you said, chosen family around. Your friends, around a dinner table, around a spread. And there's a bond that you have with them that doesn't exist with your family, that doesn't exist with the people that you're not quite forced to be around, but the ties that nature makes. You've created something else, and you can explore those relationships in that space without running the risk of, 'is everyone here necessarily comfortable? And I pleasing everybody here?' in a way that you have to do with family.
Jeremy Siegel: And this is something that has a, at this point, somewhat lengthy history in pop culture. It's appeared a lot in television. Lots of people might remember it in “Cheers” as Norm tries to make the gang a meal on Thanksgiving and the turkey takes forever to cook. And then there's also Monica's burning of the turkey for that on “Friends.” These aren't the best outcomes for Thanksgiving meals in these clips. And I think one of the things with Friendsgiving is that you're maybe not expecting the best meal.
Bennett: I think what makes Friendsgiving is that there's a degree of autonomy. I think when you're younger, it's like, I am taking a back seat to what all of the grown ups are doing in the kitchen. Well, this is your chance to kind of, like, flex, your chance to invite people into your home. Your chance to provide something for others. People say that younger people killed the dinner party, but it's like, have you ever been to a Friendsgiving? That's just not true.
"People say that younger people killed the dinner party, but it's like, have you ever been to a Friendsgiving? That's just not true."-James Bennett II, GBH Arts and Culture reporter
Ken Duckworth is medical director for the National Alliance on Mental Illness. I talked to him a little bit about what Friendsgiving means. One thing that he brought up that was interesting is that he was saying that Friendsgiving gives a level of control for how much social effort you want to put out into the world. He described it as an art.
[Previously recorded]
Ken Duckworth: Part of the art of this is knowing yourself and knowing what dose of connection, community, you know that you need personally. And this is one of the advantages of adulthood. You've been through the holiday season before and you know what's worked and what hasn't worked.
[Recording ends]
Bennett: Don't think of it as work. Think of it as fulfilling a need. And, you know, he had this to say about the observations that he made on people's mental health over the past year, not having that outlet of friends and family during the holiday season:
[Previously recorded]
Duckworth: Mental health numbers, specifically anxiety and depression, are higher post-pandemic, and they have stayed higher. You really have to just be mindful of how can you foster connections? Is there somebody in your life you want to reach out to? This would be a great time to do so because the holidays tend to activate people's loss and loss history, their grief, the people they don't have at the holidays that they have happy memories with.
[Recording ends]
Bennett: Even if you think you're misanthropic, you probably aren't. Everybody wants to be belonged and wanted.
Siegel: Oh, I like the idea too, of like reaching out and potentially inviting new friends into.
Bennett: What you're doing after this, Jeremy?
Siegel: Having Friendsgiving with you. No, I'm going to nap after this. GBH's James Bennett II, thanks so much for joining us.
Bennett: Thank you.
